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Last Updated on November 29, 2023
Welcome to the Success with Soul Podcast! Today we’re joined by Vasavi Kumar, a TV host, Licensed Therapist, Speaker, Voiceover Artist, and author of her new book Say It Out Loud. Vasavi discusses the power of speaking your thoughts out loud and how this simple act can actually transform your life and is the most underrated secret to success. Vasavi shares the top three tips for getting comfortable talking to yourself and why it’s important to talk to your triggers out loud. So get ready to unlock the power of speaking your mind out loud.
Table of Contents
Imagine if you discovered that saying things out loud could the most underrated secret to success. Well, in today’s episode Vasavi Kumar, whose book Say It Out Loud was recently published, dives into the magic behind saying things out loud. She reminds us of the importance of reconnecting with our bodies and being authentic in our communication and encourages listeners to express themselves openly and honestly, even if it feels uncomfortable at first.
Thanks so much for listening in this week! If you enjoyed this episode, here are some ways you can join our Success with Soul movement:
Saying your thoughts and words out loud can have a transformative effect on your life because it allows you to express yourself authentically and connect with your inner truth. It helps you gain clarity, overcome fear, and communicate more effectively with others.
To become comfortable talking to yourself, start by creating a safe and private space where you can freely express your thoughts and emotions. Practice self-reflection and self-awareness by engaging in activities like journaling or talking out loud during moments of solitude. Gradually increase the frequency and duration of these self-conversations to build comfort and confidence.
Talking your triggers out loud allows you to acknowledge and process emotional reactions in a constructive way. By verbalizing your triggers, you bring them into conscious awareness, which helps you understand their underlying causes and develop healthier responses. It also facilitates self-reflection and self-growth, enabling you to break free from negative patterns and build emotional resilience.
Bront'e Singleton 0:00
Hey, hey, this is Bront'e Singleton, current client and student of the incubator, the most amazing program that I've ever been in in my entire life. I just wanted to take a moment to share how amazing this program has been for me, my mindset, my business, my progress, and the wins that I've had since joining the program. So since joining the incubator, I've grown more confident in myself as a business woman as a person. And then my expertise and my ability to run my business, I was recently able to launch my course for language learners, which is amazing. And it was a huge undertaking. And because of this, I was able to make two sales on my first launch of my course, within my business as a whole, I've been able to create a system for content creation, and streamlining that process in a way that works for me and my business. So I'm less stressed out about what to post when and how. And the biggest thing which I never thought I'd be doing in my first year of business is that I created and turned on my evergreen funnel. The Incubator has given me the tools to be able to focus my time and attention on the things that really move my business and help my business grow, but also take time to take care of myself because if I'm not well, I don't have what I need, then I can't serve the people that I want to serve. So I 1,000% love the incubator program and I'm so glad so glad that I joined.
Kate Kordsmeier 1:18
You're listening to the Success with Soul podcast where we believe empowering women is the key to creating a brighter future for us all. Whether you're an entrepreneur, employee, or stay at home mom, this podcast is for you. I'm your host Kate Kordsmeier and ICF life and business coach who has made over 2.2 million while working less than 25 hours a week, raising two toddlers, and quitting social media. I'm here to transparently share my expertise and help you create a life and business you love. Together with my diverse team of passionate women, many of whom you'll hear from on this podcast. We empower 1000s With holistic strategies, personal development resources and mindset tools to find freedom, flexibility and fulfillment and business and beyond. Every week we offer life coaching for Busy Women who want to improve their relationships, self care and overall well being and business coaching for coaches, course creators and consultants who want to make money sustainably. We believe personal growth and entrepreneurship are powerful tools for creating social change. And the world is a better place When more women find their voice and create their own money, power and freedom. Expect candid conversations and insightful interviews with experts that will inspire and support you on your path to intentional whole living and Success with Soul on your terms. It's time to ditch the hustle and find inner peace. Here we go.
Welcome back to the Success with Soul podcast. I'm your guest host Indira with Team KK and I'm so excited for today's episode with Vasavi Kumar. Vasavi is often described as the Queen of saying it out loud. She's a first generation Indian immigrant raised on Long Island, New York. She has relentlessly been searching to find her own voice, access the freedom of her creative spirit and to help others along the way out loud. Via visa TV host licensed therapist, Speaker voiceover artists and the creator of the said out loud, safe haven, an online support community. She holds dual master's degrees in special education from Hofstra University, and social work from Columbia University. In today's episode, we discuss Vasavi's new book, Say It Out Loud, and she'll share with us why our thoughts and words are so powerful. When we say them out loud and how it can have truly helped us transform our lives. We go into why we find it so challenging to really just speak our truth find our voice. And she teaches us how we can overcome this. We also really go into authenticity and vulnerability and how we can maintain that while also having boundaries as we you know say things out loud. And finally, we talk all about what it means to struggle with self doubt and fear of failure as you are pursuing your dreams and passions. I'm so excited for this conversation. I'm so excited for the say it out loud book that is now out on bookshelves. So let's dive in.
Oh my goodness, I am so excited to have have you on the Success with Soul podcast? vasavi Kumar? Oh, gosh. Okay, first of all, let me just take a breath, because you know how much I love you. For the listeners vasavi. And I go back, oh gosh, 2023 we go back a couple of years now, Vasavi was my business coach, I was in her mastermind. And I am a huge fan. And I am so proud of you. We're gonna talk a little bit about why I'm so proud of you. But welcome to the show. Let our listeners know who you are, and all the good things.
Vasavi Kumar 5:43
First of all, Indira, thank you so much for having me here. We do go back. And it's always a pleasure to reconnect with people that I've worked with. And, you know, when you reached out and was like, you know, come on the show. I'm like, Oh, my God. Yes. I love that. And then when you told me that you were going to be the one interviewing me. I'm like, Well, this is a trip. So I love that tables have been turned right? Because I interviewed you on my podcast. Yeah. Back in the day. So this is great. So who am I, I am the author of the book, say it out loud. I am a speaker. I have a host and I am first and foremost, someone who really has dedicated not only her own life, but to help the lives of others be able to assertively communicate who they are, what they do what they stand for, in a very bold way. Because Lord knows, we don't need any more watered down people, people who package their words, we need more wrongness, we need more realness. We need more unfiltered communication. And that's really what I've been committing in my own life to do and practice and also help other people do in their life as well. Yeah, I love that. So last week, tell us a little bit about your journey towards finding your voice, right. And getting into this creative spirit. What were some challenges that you faced along the way? Well, I gotta be honest, I've been sharing my voice since I was a kid. In fact, it's the thing that I got in trouble. For the most, I actually do not have a story that's like, Oh, I've always been a really silent person. And I found my voice at this age like, No, I've actually always used my voice as a kid. It's why I got in trouble when I was a kid. It's why I got hit when I was a kid. It's why I got yelled at when I was a kid. Why I was called disobedient when I was a kid why I was so misunderstood when I was a kid. Because I have a very unique ability to call out the invisible elephant in the room. And I was not afraid to do so as a child, when I would listen to and watch my parents argue. And I would see my mom in masculine my father and I would see my father shut down. And as a child, you know, we pick up on things very quickly as children because we are highly sensitive, and we are pure and untainted to all the voices around us. And we see things and we feel things so clearly, and so purely. And so I was that child, I'm the youngest in the family. And I would say to my mother, you can't talk to him like that. And when my dad would Stonewall my mother, I'd say you got to you got to say something you can't just, you know, ice her out. I didn't say I saw her out, you know, but you know, at that age, I could see my mother was frustrated with my father. Because she was not getting her needs met. And she didn't know how to communicate it. My father just took whatever my mom threw at him because I think my father had this like persona where he just thought, you know, I'm just going to be a, I'm just going to basically be a doormat to my wife, because you know, she's been through so much. So I'm just going to put up and take it, you know, and just take it. But as a child, I was like, wait a minute, this is not right. You know, you people don't talk to each other like this. I knew that from a young age. But that's what I got in trouble for it. But as I got older Indre where I did silence myself, just like my father did. I silenced myself in relationships in romantic relationships and partnerships. So I actually played out what I saw growing up in my own romantic relationships, in my business. And I think many of your listeners can relate to this, I think I never want it to be misunderstood. In my business, I have a very bold way of communicating. Anyone who knows me behind closed doors know that I'm extremely unfiltered. And I'm unedited. I don't package my words, what I say is what I mean, and what I mean is what I say, but I in my business is where I also started to realize and notice, man, I am not being as bold as I can be. So you know, what I really want to say is it hasn't always been easy to be this queen of saying it out loud. I've gotten in trouble for it. And being acutely aware of that. And still having a little fear around being misunderstood. That's always my, my greatest fear is I'm going to be misunderstood. And so as a result of being or fearing, being misunderstood, I had to look at where in my life if I'm not being clear in my communication and so that's the journey that I've been on and that's now what I help people with, you know, but it started at a very young age where I you know, would say it out loud all the time.
So I started reading your book I pre ordered Say it out loud. And there's a word that you say that your mom used to tell you and I'm not going to even try to pronounce it.
Vasavi Kumar 10:07
I will say it she would say to me so first of all, the way you say my name is vasavi. My family calls me Bochy, because when I was born, my sister couldn't say my name vasavi. She said, butcher v. So they called me Bochy, but my mother when I was a kid would save it to my to my remains, shut your mouth, close your mouth to might have Be quiet. But I didn't listen to my mother. I rarely listen to her. I still don't listen to her. She's not the boss of me, even though I think she thinks she is. But yeah, my mom all the time would say to me to myRA, be quiet. Close your mouth. Yeah. So as you know, this podcast, most of our listeners are actually female entrepreneurs. And I'm wondering, what are some tips that you can share with our audience, getting them comfortable to talking to themselves saying those things out loud? What is the power of saying it out loud, the power of saying it out loud is that you release whatever is inside of you, you say it out loud, like so if you're just talking to yourself out loud, you're saying your thoughts out loud, when you keep everything inside of you just becomes this narrative, right? You can't really separate the truth from these other voices. And my ultimate goal is to help you tap into the voice that really has something important to say to the world or in that moment, or whatever situation, but that voice is often drowned out by the other voices. And so what often comes out of our mouth is some watered down bland, basic version of what we're really trying to say. So when you actually say out loud, unfiltered and unedited what you're thinking what you're feeling in real time. And you do that and you listen to yourself, then you can immediately tell whether you're bullshitting yourself or not. Because words carry vibrations. And you cannot lie to the body, no matter what. Okay? No matter how disconnected you think you are, or you may be, you still cannot lie to the body, your body always knows. But because we have become disconnected from ourselves and our bodies, we have people walking around this earth just being split from themselves, and conflicted within and living a very dualistic life, right, what we see out there, and what we're really feeling on the inside. So when you say it out loud and dry, you can transcend that ego viewpoint. The part of you that scared to say it out loud, you're like, oh, shit, I can't say this out loud. I can't let other people hear this. But I want to encourage you to say that thing that you really want to say out loud, I'm not telling you to post it on social yet. I'm not telling you to hit publish on it yet. On your podcast or your blog, I am asking my reader, I'm asking my listeners right now, the thing that you really want to say like take a look at your marketing copy, take a look at your sales pages, take a look at how you're coaching your clients. Take a look at how you're writing your emails. Take a look at how you're communicating and ask yourself, Is this the realest version of myself? Is this really what I'm trying to say? Is there an even more potent truth that can be drawn from this? And experiment with yourself and ask yourself how can I say this? To sound even more like me, right? And the way you find out does this really sound like me or not? Is that you have to say it out loud. And what you're going to find is the bolder you are in your communication, it's not going to feel comfortable at first. Okay, because even though I say I am bold, because I am I'm pretty damn bold, right? There's not much that I will not say. Even to this day, when I say certain things, my body's still getting used to my boldness. It's like, oh shit, can you really say that? Are we gonna get in trouble? Are we gonna get hit? Are you going to be a bad girl? If you say this, are you going to get canceled? You know, and I have to train my body and I have trained my body through my own self soothing practices, which I talked about in the book, different ways to soothe yourself and regulate within. I have trained myself and my body to be okay with the vibration of my bold words. Right? My body feels safe when I say things a certain way in a way that's more pleasing to the person's ear. Oh, this feels safe. We don't want to rock the boat. We don't want to have our clients fire us. We don't want people to unfollow us. This feels safe. But I like to push that edge. Right. I like to see how far can I go? How much more honest can I be? How much more real can I be? And I'll tell you this, we got to really look at what's the narrative in our head that's keeping us from being bold. So for me, I never wanted to be like my mother. Never. I thought she was a bitch. She was a bitch to my father. I mean, I was straight up say to my father, why are you still married to her? She is a bitch. And my father would say she's gone through so much in her life. It's okay. So my dad was a classic enabler, classic enabler.
I just want to pause for a minute and just say that your father's name is Shanti.
Vasavi Kumar 14:51
Yes, he's the epitome of peace. Exactly. Yeah. So he really was the embodiment of peace. He was the embodiment of peace, but now I was like no
You're more like people pleaser piece, right? You're not actual piece that's people pleasing, right? That's people pleasing. So I became like my father in my own way. So the thing that we don't want to be the person that we least want to be like, we ended up being like them, we end up internalizing parts of themselves, and it comes out. So I never wanted to be like my mother, I didn't want to come off as bitchy, I didn't want to come off as harsh. And so I watered myself down. But that part of me that I didn't, I wouldn't want to be like her. She was still in me. She's still in me that harshness is still in me. I internalize a lot of my Mother's Voices. And so I hurt myself. I was never harsh with other people. I just turned that voice towards myself. So you know how people always say like, oh, yeah, you got to be your biggest cheerleader. Yeah, well, yeah, I'm like a combination of both right. I'm both the cheerleader. But I'm also that cynical, discouraging coach screaming at me from the sidelines telling me how I'm not farther along, how I should be making more money, how I should have a bigger following. So I have both right. I internalize both my father and my mother. And eventually, and I think a lot of us do we internalize the adults in our life thinking that their word is gospel, their voices gospel, and the work that I have to do was to find the voice of vasavi. I'm still working on it every day, every day, because I'm, I'm 40, right? So think about how many of the voices and the programming that we have, that has shaped who we are today. So it's still a growing process for me, as his book has come out, I have become more bolder, I've become more apologetic. And the game changer for me has been now when I post something. Now when I say something that feels like ooh, edgy, I don't immediately question it anymore. And I don't immediately think, Oh, my God, am I gonna piss somebody off? Who Was that too much. I really do trust that bold voice within me now. But like I said, there are times where I'll push the edge just a little bit just to see what it feels like, feels really good. Let me tell you that right now, it feels really good when you're even more honest. And it's not about being harsh. It is not about, you know, shock value, it is about finding that voice within and what does that voice sound like, for you? My bold voice will sound very different than your bold voice in there. But at the end of the day, my goal with people is finding that voice. You don't need to sound like me to be impactful, or to be bold. We need to find your flavor of bold voice, right? And the only way you do that is by saying out loud, saying it out loud and actually hearing your voice, right? How can you actually figure out what that voice is if you're keeping it all inside? And that's why we need to say it out loud to ourselves or to somebody else? Yeah.
And so why would anybody want to talk about like their triggers out loud?
Vasavi Kumar 17:54
Okay, so in my chapter, I talk about talking to your triggers out loud. We live in a society where we are groomed to just share what is acceptable and what is pleasant. Right. Let's just talk about the pleasant stuff. So in this chapter, I talk about emotional perfectionism. I did not coined that term, Dr. Annie Hickox did emotional perfectionism. I'm going to paraphrase it is basically some emotions are easier for you to display than others, right? So my sister is emotionally perfect. I love her to death, but she will show agree ability, she will show pleasantness you know, she'll always be pleasant, she doesn't really let people see when she gets pissed off. She doesn't let people see her irritability because she too, like me does not want to be like my mother. So my sister is very good at being like composure at all times. Okay, she's also on antidepressants. Go figure. Right? So the more you suppress, and hide from the outside world, and even with yourself, the more sick you're going to feel inside, okay? And so, the reason why we need to talk to our triggers out loud is because so many of us are not willing to say this pisses me off. I'm irritated by this. This bothers me. And we don't allow ourselves to acknowledge the shit that pisses us off, guess what's going to happen, you're gonna be in that situation over and over again, because you have yet to be honest with yourself. I don't like this situation. I don't want to be around this person. I don't like the way my business is set up. So I'm gonna give a perfect example your audience maybe can relate I have done one on one therapy and coaching for over a decade. I'm over it straight up over it. I'm just I'm going to be straight up and that's maybe a very bold thing for me to say because there's one part of me that's like shit, there could be people listening to this who want to work with you one on one you're leaving money on the table. Don't say that. But that is the real truth. I have no desire to work with people one on one I have made before clients one on one love them all. You know it would be awesome if I just ran one signature group program, and that's what I'm doing in this season. I have a training program starting in August bold voice training program that
It's a big move for me to basically say this is my signature group program one on one is like no, join my group program, when we are not honest with ourselves about the things that do not feel good, we will continue to be in those situations and continue to live that life, that situation that we're just not happy. And so we have to allow ourselves to say the things that trigger us, right? And what what has triggered me in the recent few years, and it's taken me a pretty long time for me to actually acknowledge, I don't want this anymore, right. But because I had those people pleasing tendencies of just like, Okay, I'm just gonna keep it as it is, it's fine. I want to rock the boat here. I don't want to, I don't want to lose money. I don't wanna do this mistake in these situations. So you have to allow yourself to say, this is bothering me right now. I don't like this right now. Be honest with yourself talking to your triggers. And talking your triggers out loud boils down to you being honest with yourself, or what's bothering you stop saying I shouldn't be mad about it. Stop saying I shouldn't be bothered by it. Stop saying I'm fine with it when you're not. And that's what I did. I said I'm okay with it. I'm okay with it. Oh, the money is good. I'm okay with it. No, I'm not. I'm not okay with it. I'm tired. I'm tired. I don't want to do that anymore. So you got to allow yourself to say what you don't want anymore. So you can attract and receive that what you really do want.
I love the attract and receive.
Vasavi Kumar 21:21
I know you do.
I know. Yeah. How do you balance like authenticity and vulnerability, while still like maintaining boundaries? And, you know, even privacy, I know that you're on social media. So how do you balance that?
Vasavi Kumar 21:40
Yeah, I mean, for me it is. So I use social media for my business I market. That's it, I do share some personal stuff. But there are things about me that nobody on this earth knows, there are some things that are just for me, there are things that no one will ever know. And that is just for me and my golden retriever Lainey. She is the only person who knows, there are certain thoughts that I will never share out loud, there are certain opinions that I will never share out loud. There are certain ways about me that I will never share out loud, not because I'm ashamed. But because you don't deserve access to my vulnerability. You haven't earned that right? To know that about myself, if I'm gonna share it with someone, it's going to be someone that I have a relationship with, that I feel safe with that has earned the right to hear what I have to say. So we have to really look at social media and use it with intention. I use social media to market my business to promote my products to promote my book, I also use it to connect with my audience. And so I pick and choose what I share, not because I'm ashamed, but because you haven't earned the right. You haven't earned the right. Just because I'm on social doesn't mean you get to have access to me, just because you read my book and you've shared a few things, or you listen to my podcast, or you heard an interview doesn't mean you have access to me. You don't own me. You know a little bit about me, but that doesn't mean I have to tell you everything. For me that that was the hallmark for me growing up even with my own mother, right? I used to lie as a kid a lot. Because I was I was afraid. You know, my mother would ask me if she found I mean, I got beat as kids I got beat. My sister didn't get hit. I got beat when I was a kid. You damn straight. I'm gonna lie. Are you kidding me? I was protecting myself. And so I lied, because I was afraid. And I was ashamed. But I became more honest, you know, through my sobriety, when I have to go to rehab twice.
The way you stay sober, is by being honest, right? My sobriety is directly related to how honest I am. So going back to your original question, I want everyone listening to know this that just because you don't share something doesn't make you a dishonest person. You can be vulnerable, you can be authentic. But that doesn't mean airing every single bit of your dirty laundry. Not everyone needs to know for me, it's always like, what is the point in sharing this? What am I seeking? am I seeking something? Am I tying this into a less lesson? Am I doing this just because I need some validation? No, I'm not gonna put that on social either therapist for that. And I know how to talk to myself. So I don't need the world to know that. So just want to give everyone permission. Some things are just yours and that's okay. That doesn't make you inauthentic. I love that.
Kate Kordsmeier 24:21
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You know, you speaking of your sobriety, I don't know if you've read Matthew Perry's new book. No. So he, you know, he has been in and out of rehab. Yeah, for years. And one of the things that he says in his book is that reality is an acquired taste, huh? Yeah, sobriety is an acquired taste. But anyway, just in you speaking about your sobriety. So tell us what your book is about in two minutes or less. In two minutes or less.
Vasavi Kumar 26:10
My book teaches my readers how to talk to themselves, you know, you have those books that give you journal prompts, and then you journal it, and okay, fine. So you go from your head to your pen onto the paper. So I actually give you verbal prompts. You don't even need one of those expensive ass journals. Okay? I mean, if you want to write notes, that's great. I do have a few mini exercises where you write but I asked you to speak them out loud. Everything is spoken out loud. Even at the beginning of every chapter, there's a verbal prompt, I say answer this out loud.
So my book in two minutes or less, teaches my readers how to talk to themselves. At the end of every chapter, there is an exercise, I give you prompts, I give you scripts on how to talk to yourself, no one teaches us how to talk to ourselves, we are told what to do, we are not taught how to think I am teaching my reader to think for themselves and to treat themselves with more kindness with more love with more respect. So many of us have been disrespected by people, and then we disrespect ourselves. And then we are our harshest critic. Congratulations. We all are. But my book is helping you rewire the way you speak to yourself. And I believe that because our words carry vibrations, that we have the ability to emotionally regulate. When we learn how to verbally regulate. So I'm teaching you verbal regulation. I believe that the sound of our voice has the power to soothe us think about when you're anxious. Indra, do you want to be spoken to partially? And with absolutely no softness? Or do you want to be talked to with some softness? Yeah, yeah. It's the same thing with ourselves. Right when you are, I have a client. She was boxing me. And she was like, I'm so mad that I'm sad. Right now I go, Well, how's that going for you? You're mad at yourself for being sad. How was that going? And, you know, we dug a little deeper and she was like, you know, my mom never had any space for me. When I was sad, it was my sadness made her angry. She said my sadness used to make my mother angry. Because she couldn't handle my emotion. I go, Yeah, well, welcome. You've just become your mother. You're now being a bitch to yourself. You can change that. You can change that, you know, in the world of like self love and self help. It's like it's become this thing where it's become way too fucking expensive. Excuse my language. i It's plunges saunas gotta do this lymphatic drainage, drainage. You got to spend all this money to love yourself. It's like, can we just start with how we're talking to ourselves? First and foremost, do that first. And tell me how you feel? Right? So for me, the most underutilized tool, and I think also often overlooked, like we don't people really don't talk about self talk. They talk about it a little bit to talk about self talk a little bit, but like, no, it is a game changer. Because it is the words that you're thinking, the thoughts that you're thinking those voices in your head are constantly there. And you not only do I ask you, and I want you to be aware of what you're saying to yourself, I also want you to be aware of how you're speaking to yourself. Tone matters. It's not so much of what you say it's how you say it. So it's really you know, and let me tell you something, it's going to feel so weird at first. Okay, because in the most recent year, I will say since my book has been you know, I wrote it marketed it put it out it's been hard right because I there's a lot of growth that's been happening behind the scenes and it's not pleasant. Like I'm not going to act like it's all pleasant and growing is not pleasant. It was wasn't pleasant for me. I'm breaking through patterns. I'm breaking cycles, I'm I'm stopping cycles. I'm talking about things that my family would probably rather have me not talk about. And that is not comfortable because no one wants to feel alone. No one wants to feel like they have been disavowed from there.
have, you know, so I've had to be very encouraging with myself very kind with myself just like I am with my clients. Why don't we extend that to ourselves? So it's been a little weird. I'm like, Oh, I'm really being nice to myself. I'm really being like super patient. Yesterday, I had this moment in the, where I was working on my thank you speech, you know, I'm having my book launch party. I, I know by the time this release is it'll be like a month or so. But I was writing the thank you speech for my book launch party. And I was I could feel this like engine inside of me, I could feel this pressure. I was pressuring myself to hurry up, get this done, get this done, get this done. And I literally said out loud vasavi. Can you just chill for a second? Can we like Have some fun writing this talk? There is no need to be this pressured, we have plenty of time. And that felt really good. Because I do not extend the same patience to myself that I extend to other people. I'm a Taurus. So I am naturally very patient. I'm a very patient person, which makes me an excellent teacher. This is why I'm such a good trainer. with other people. When they make mistakes. I don't get upset. I go, Oh, come on. Let's try it again. I got all day. You know, I remember I had a teacher back in the day, she'd be like, hurry up, I don't have all day. I'm the opposite. I'm like, I have time. Let's go. But I don't give that to myself. So yesterday, I was super patient with myself and it felt good. And it did feel slightly uncomfortable. Because we have deadlines. Come on, we got to finish this. Let's go and unlike Nope, I am not going to pressure myself, I am going to give myself the gift of patience. We do not need to be revved up to get something done. And so even just saying that out loud vasavi till you gotta chill girl. Like having that real honest conversation with myself felt really, really good. And so in those moments, you know, you got you got to be acutely aware of what's running you what is running you what voice is running you for me pretty much my whole life in the the voice that has run me has been faster, faster. Come on, come on, let's go. Let's go. Let's go anxious, anxious. When you grow up in a chaotic house, you learn how to fight, you learn how to flee. And that's how I've run my life pretty much my whole life. Come on, let's go faster, faster, figure it out, figure out, you know what it's like to live with that voice. It's not fun, burnout, exhaustion, wanting to give up, want to burn everything down. And so I'm in a season where I'm like, how much more patience Can I have with myself, you know, and when I'm patient with myself, I slow down. I'm kinder to myself, I'm less irritable with myself. And as a result, I'm more kind patient and more accepting of other people, period, the conversation that you have with yourself, number one will directly impact the conversation and the quality of conversations that you're having with the people around you. That's it. Oh, I love that. Can you say that again? Please do that was in the moment. I don't know if I remember that. But let me say it again. Let me try to say it again. When you change the conversation that you're having up here, and I'm pointing to my head, you will connect with depth, integrity and realness out there. Yeah. You change the quality of the conversation that you're having up here. You will change the quality of conversation that you're having out there. Yeah. app so frickin loosely.
You don't know this.
Vasavi Kumar 33:20
Oh, go ahead. Go ahead.
I just I'm doing astrology now.
Vasavi Kumar 33:23
Oh my god. I love that love. Yeah, I'm on his strat ledger.
And one of the greatest gifts astrology has given me massively is that I realized that all that Virgo in me and all that perfection and you know, the way I speak to myself, I'm so much kinder and you'll like this. You'll appreciate this. It's not tennis, but I am a pickup baller.
Vasavi Kumar 33:49
Now I don't know if we can be friends. And you know what? It's okay. You want to be? You want to be a wannabe tennis player. No big deal. You go ahead and play your little racquet sport on this little court. Okay, go ahead. I'm just kidding. You know, I have to give you shit. I had to give you shit.
Oh, well, now you're gonna really give me shit when I tell you that I pulled my calf muscle and almost needed surgery playing pickleball
Vasavi Kumar 34:15
I'm so sorry. That's not fun. That's not fun. That was not fun.
But the point of that is that when I first started playing pickleball, you know, and I would miss a shot in my head. The way I was speaking to myself is not the way I would have spoken to my son if he had missed that ball. And right away, you know, I would be so much more gentler and I saw that the minute that I'd be like it's okay, don't worry, you'll do better but like, in my body, I felt like a little bit more relaxed, less tense. And I definitely credit astrology for that just realizing how much of that Virgo in me really impacts that self talk.
So I agree on 100% with you Vasavi, this has been amazing. We're gonna get to the part of this conversation that I personally love. At the Success with Soul podcast, we have a lightning round.
Vasavi Kumar 35:11
Oh, I love these. I don't know the question. So let's go. I'm ready. Let's go.
Okay, so what's your favorite way to make time for self care while running your own business?
Vasavi Kumar 35:22
Hmm, okay, I cook three meals a day, every meal is a vibe, every meal is a vibe, whether it's my breakfast and how I played it, whether it's my midday lunch, whether it's my dinner, I mean, it's a whole freakin vibe, especially at night. So I cook three meals a day, I could easily afford a private chef, I choose not to do that. It's my way of slowing down, using all my senses to come together to produce this beautiful work of art, which I'm going to eat. And when I cook, there's jazz playing. There's John Mayer playing in the background. You know, we just get into a vibe at night I'll put on my ambient lighting. I like the unscented candle cuz I don't like smelly candles when I'm cooking. And I'll make my food. It's a whole thing. And as my food is getting ready, I'll clean up the kitchen as I go along. So after I eat, I just have to watch the one plate that I've eaten. It's a whole thing. It's a full body experience. I don't have time to think about other stuff. I'm in the moment. I'm cutting my vegetables. I don't use measuring or anything. It's very intuitive for me cooking. I did also go to culinary school. But that's not even why I'm such a good cook. I'm a good cook, because I love to eat. I love to eat and I know what tastes good. And I know my palate. I know how much salt I like or how little salt I like I know how much lemon I like like it's just it's all about me. It's a nourishing myself. And it's truly the greatest act of love to be able to cook for yourself. I went to the grocery store and I'm sorry, I know this is a lightning round, but I just don't know. I love it.
Flores you're full, fully the Taurus.
Vasavi Kumar 36:51
I really am. I mean, man who any man who dates me next. I mean, I literally I cook for the ones that I love. I cook for the ones that I love. And if you do not tell me that my food is good within the first 30 seconds, you're done, like I can't I cannot be with you. If you're literally chopping away and I have to ask you, How is the food? Like that's actually my next standard for me my next relationship. Last guy I was with, I had to ask him, and I'm like, I shouldn't have to ask you, you should be telling me like right away. Like that's the thing as a tourist. Yes, thank you for knowing that. I went to the grocery store the other day, I saw this whole section of just prepackaged meals made by the people and and I get it, some people are on the go. But I'm like, Man, this is what our society has come to, like you need someone to cook for you like you like no one has the time to get groceries to figure out what they're gonna make to cut their vegetables. So you don't have time to do that for yourself. You know, it's a thing for me. Also, culturally, you know, food was huge for us growing up so we ate every meal at home, every meal at home. So it's just you know, that's important to me. Yeah, yeah. I'm just gonna throw in there that you're also a Food Network Star. Yeah, I was. I just want everyone to know this. My father who I love more than anything. He's been hit with this awful, progressive neurological condition. He was such a good cook. My father would cook with such gusto. I would be driving home from school. I got my master's at Columbia, in the city. So we lived on Long Island. I call my father and I go, I'm so hungry. He goes, What do you want to eat? And I go, I want this, this and this. And he goes, how many minutes? Do you get home? I said 36. Because Okay, I'll have everything ready for you. When I come home. My father would have food ready for me. So I grew up with a father who served me like my father would wait on his hand and foot. So when I was in culinary school, I was on Food Network on a show called Food Truck face off, you can actually buy it for $1.99 on amazon prime. So you should watch it. And you can see my father when he was like he's a he's a beautiful man.
Yeah. Love that. Yeah. Okay, what's one tool or strategy that you use to help with time management,
Vasavi Kumar 38:48
I only do three big things a day. So in my journal, or I'm sorry, in my planner, I have obviously my schedule, like the calls that I have to have whatever, I'm very good at managing my time, when I have pockets of time I knock out stuff that I got to knock out I don't dilly dally. So I always have like a top three. And then I have like many other to dues, right. And so I just don't waste my time, like, you know, between a certain time period, I know when to shut off. So basically from like 11 to four is when I tried to get all my stuff done, you know, go to the post office, go do that. You know, and I have my clients, some days are less client heavy than others. But I really only stick to doing three big things a day. And if I can't do all three big things, it's fine. I work very well with deadlines as well. So I'm very good at organizing in my mind. Is this urgent? Do I need to get this done right now? Or can I get it done in 72 hours? So not everything is an urgent, urgent matter for me either. So I know what what I need to work on and what can wait. So that also has helped.
Yeah, what's the most powerful business mindset entrepreneurial book you've ever read?
Vasavi Kumar 39:49
This is the one that you reference again and again, and it's made the biggest difference in your life. Oh, that is such a good well, I'm gonna say How to Win Friends and Influence People. I know it's an oldie but You know, if you don't know how to talk to people, I mean, that's gonna really, that's gonna really set you up for not success in your business. Because whether you're marketing yourself on social media, or you're just out in the world, you never know who you're gonna meet. And if you have blinders on or you're afraid of people, you are missing out on opportunity, you are missing out on connection. Some of the most amazing things that have happened in my life have just been when I'm out in the world, I'm not trying to network I don't I don't look at like, Oh, this is a great networking opportunity. I don't look at things like that, like, No, this is a great, I'm just connecting with humans. I'm just myself no matter where I go. So some people call it strategic networking. But the greatest strategy for me is learn how to talk to anyone about anything, whether I'm at a red light, and they're these guys who are new in recovery, and they're trying to collect money, whatever, and I never have cashflow change on me. I always roll down my window. I say, bro, how are you doing? I'm four years sober from cocaine. How are y'all doing? He's like, God bless you, whatever. And then the, and then the light will turn green. And I go, he's not helping me out in my life, right? He's not a network connection. For me being able to talk to someone who can't do shit for you, who's just standing there in the middle of the street. That is a skill. So don't ignore people, because you don't think they can do something for you. Not everything is about what can be done for you. While I do think you need to look out for yourself and ask yourself what's in it for me? The greatest skill you can learn is how to talk to anyone about anything. It also gets your head out of your ass. You know what I mean? Because a lot of people grow up in a bubble and their shelter. They're afraid to talk to people who don't look like them who don't sound like them. You're really leaving opportunity and connection on the table. Oh, yeah, absolutely.
Yeah. Love Dale Carnegie. I mean, I mean, it's an oldie but it's like, I mean, at the end of the day, is that what really matters and how to relate to anyone about anything, you know? So absolutely. Yeah.
What's your favorite quote? Montra affirmation for when things get tough and you feel like giving up?
Vasavi Kumar 41:57
So it's two things one is it's always gonna work out for me. Everything always works out for me, Abraham Hicks. Everything is working out for me love Abraham. Oh my god. You can literally YouTube anything related to Abraham Hicks, Abraham Hicks spiraling into anxiety. There's a video for that Abraham Hicks can't get over my ex. There's something that I mean literally abraham hicks plus you will find a solution. Everything's always working out for me. And then also my favorite movie Shawshank Redemption get busy living or get busy dying. So Oh, wow. That's a blast from the past. Yeah, man.
Yeah. Okay. And then finally, you're on the Success with Soul podcast. So what does Success with Soul mean to you?
Vasavi Kumar 42:35
Success with Soul means to me that I am leading with my values. And I'm not just leading with what I think I should be doing. I am leading with my core values, period and the soul of who I am. And that's different for everybody. So what I value in life is connection. What I value in life is quality of experiences. What I value in life is knowledge, knowledge of self knowledge of others, curiosity. And so when I lead with that, everything follows. Everything follows success follows. Also, the quote that my father always said, I asked my dad, how do you make money? My parents did pretty well for themselves as immigrants. My father always said, I don't chase money service first and the money will chase you. Focus on Sir focusing our service first and the money will chase you. You know, we have to learn that the hard way and you're in my 20s I was all ambitious and I you know, I got I love the money so much. I always have had a servant's heart. But what I want to say is and everyone listening, you know, the coaching industry has become tainted. It's become tainted. And I remember when I first became a coach, 11 years ago, it wasn't like this. It was very much like people with a servant's heart. But then what happens? You have people who just make all this money, and then it's all about making the money, making the money making the money, and then we end it's all about the funnels and the SEO, and I'm like, I don't give a shit about any of that. Did I help you today? Did I help you today? Are you better off today than you were five minutes ago before you met me? That is what I care about. I'm not saying don't care about the SEO don't care about the funnels, but that is not your number one priority. If that is your number one priority, and you're not feeling fulfilled, then you may need to ask yourself, What are you leading with? what's fueling you? Are you being fueled by the bottom line? Are you being fueled by your values? So I have had massive fluctuation in my income in the past two years. And for me, I realized I was not leading with soul. I was leading with what I thought I should do. And I was out of integrity with myself, right? It wasn't like out of integrity with my clients. I was out of integrity with myself, but as a result, then you become out of integrity with other people. So now in this season, I am doing very well because very well for me according to my standard of what I want for my lifestyle. And I truly believe it's because I'm a little relentless these days about no if I don't want to do it, I'm not going to do it.
I would rather have a dip in my income, then keep doing things that I have that I have consistently said, I don't want to do. It's been hard, right? Saying no to 10 grand up front is hard. It's really hard. It really is. But it's even harder to hate yourself, you know, and I'm kind of done. hating myself and not respecting myself, you know what I mean? So, for me, it's really important that we stay true to our values.
I love that vasavi this has been amazing. Thank you, please let our audience know, where can they connect with you? Where can they find you?
Vasavi Kumar 45:35
So the first thing by the way, this is the first time I've ever said this on the podcast, I kind of made a rule that if anyone wants to work with me, or join my groups, you have to order my book, you have to read my book, because self talk is the foundation of everything. Because I'm always going to ask you, what's the conversation? What are you telling yourself about this? So you could first thing you should do. If you feel inclined and this episode resonates with you, is go to vasavikumar.com and order my book. And then check out my bold voice training program. We start August 3, and it's a six month program and I want to be very clear, it is not a coaching program. It is a training program, which means elicit, you do not need to be coached anymore. You need to be trained, you need to practice using your voice in all of my groups. I don't do the talking anymore. You're doing the talking. I have no problem saying it out loud. I wrote a book about it. Y'all have y'all need to learn how to say it out loud. So my programs have really have more of a training vibe, practice vibe, you practice in front of people, that's really important because so many of the people who come to me want to be speakers want to be leaders want to facilitate large groups, you don't just wake up one day learning how to do that you got to practice so all my groups have practice, practice doing this out loud in front of other people make mistakes out loud. All my clients, all my group members know, I want you to grow out loud, I want you to make mistakes out loud, I want you to release the shame of looking like an idiot. It's fine. If you look like an idiot, you're not an idiot, at least you're doing the damn thing. And any it would be someone who didn't even take a chance on themselves. That's idiotic. You're actually putting yourself out there and you're making those mistakes. That's brave. So consider joining my bold voice training program. You can also find that over at my website last week omar.com I also love Instagram. So come to my Instagram at my name is vasavi and tag us, Kate and Indra and me and if you love this episode and share it to your stories, massively.
Thank you so much. I am so excited. And thank you for putting Saying Out Loud out into the world.
Vasavi Kumar 47:27
Thank you for having me. I love you so much. Me too. Bye.
Kate Kordsmeier 47:34
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