048: How to Network & Pitch for Publicity in 2021 with Selena Soo

Kate Kordsmeier 0:00

Welcome back to the Success with Soul podcast. I'm your host Kate Kordsmeier. And today we've got Selena Soo in the house. So Selena and I met last year, she actually came to speak at a mastermind that I was in and I just absolutely loved her her energy, her advice, she's beautiful, she's smart, she's generous. I ended up reaching out to her afterwards and then ultimately joined her mastermind at the end of 2020. with the goal of becoming more visible and like a household name in my own industry. I knew Selena Sue was the person to help me see Selena as a publicity and marketing strategists for visionary entrepreneurs who want to reach millions with their message. She's helped clients and students get featured in places like Oprah Forbes and Inc and land interviews on popular podcasts and national TV and many of Selena's clients have become industry leaders with six and seven figure businesses, raving fan bases and hundreds of 1000s of followers. Who wouldn't want that right. I also ended up taking Selena's impacting millions course which we're going to talk about later as it is opening for enrollment in just a few weeks, and it only opens once a year, so you don't want to miss it. Without further ado, let's get into it. You're listening to the Success with Soul podcast with Kate Kordsmeier xx journalist turned CEO of a multi six figure blog in online business. But it wasn't that long ago that Kate was a struggling entrepreneur who lacked confidence, clarity, and let's be honest money. But all those failures, experiments and lessons learned helped Kate create a thriving business that impacts 1000s and brings freedom, flexibility and fulfillment to her life. If you're ready to do the same and make something happened with holistic, soulful, step by step strategies from Cade and other experts, you're in the right place. here's your host, writer, educator, Mom, recovering perfectionist, bookworm, and sushi connoisseur, Kate Kordsmeier. Welcome, Selena.

Selena Soo 2:05

Hey, Kate, thanks so much for having me.

Kate Kordsmeier 2:07

Oh, my gosh, such a pleasure. And I'm so excited to chat today. You and I have gotten to know each other over the last what I don't know, six, four to four to six months, something like that. I feel like I have no sense of time anymore. And it's just been such a joy. And you are just one of the most well connected and generous people that I know. And you always over deliver on everything you do. I've been in your mastermind this year. And yeah, just I'm blown away. So I'm so excited to share your wisdom with everybody here.

Selena Soo 2:42

Thank you. I can't wait to dive in.

Kate Kordsmeier 2:44

Yeah, so for anybody who doesn't know who you are, can you give us kind of your cliffsnotes of who is Selena Soo?

Selena Soo 2:52

Sure. So I am a publicity and marketing expert. And I'm just really passionate about helping people who feel like on some level, their best kept secret break into the mainstream and reach their ideal audiences. And so, you know, a lot of people know that their work could help so many people if people just knew that they existed. So I show people how to use publicity, and also how to connect with influencers and build Win Win relationships to really get your message, your story and your work in front of more people.

Kate Kordsmeier 3:20

That's amazing. And how did you get into this?

Selena Soo 3:23

Yeah, so I got into this when I was in my mid 20s. At the time, I was clinically depressed, and I experienced this quarterlife crisis. And I, you know, had trouble getting on bed in the morning, I had trouble eating food, it was hard for me to just kind of get through life. And I remember saying to a friend, I don't want to feel this way every day is there someone you know who could help. And that's when I learned about this woman's life coaching group. And I would start to go to their, you know, weekly, Wednesday meetings, and I got introduced to all these new ideas, you know, experts, thought leaders, authors, and I realized that when people are struggling and suffering, as we all do, at various points in life, that we're not just looking for more information, we're really looking for inspiration. And I just felt like it was so powerful to have a person that embodied this message of hope and possibility. And I think, you know, there are so many people in this world that have something special where someone just heard their story, or saw their example of how they went through a challenge and came out the other side, you know, that person, so he will could be helped. Or maybe it's an amazing product that people need to know about. And I would ask my friends, if they'd heard about some of these people that had really, you know, changed my life. And they hadn't heard of that a lot of them, you know, even though they weren't getting their work out there. There were still millions of people that didn't know they existed. And so that's how I became very passionate about publicity. And I would just naturally start connecting the people I admired to others. I was on their newsletter lists, I would go to, you know, these networking events in New York City and I would make introductions between entrepreneurs and the media. or top entrepreneurs and each other, I developed this reputation for being a connector and a publicity expert.

Kate Kordsmeier 5:07

So this is interesting too, because you are a self proclaimed introvert. Right, exactly. So how did you get to be this super connector and be an introvert?

Selena Soo 5:19

Absolutely, yeah. So what really fueled me was I was really passionate about, you know, the idea of, you know, two people connecting or just feeling like, you know, everyone needs to know about this person. So it wasn't coming from a place of, hey, look at me. And I'm so amazing, because when I started, I didn't have a business. I didn't have any credibility, but it was more coming from a place of wanting to help people. And so that's what really fueled me. That being said, if you put me in a room with like, hundreds of people for like, you know, networking and cocktail chitchat, I probably would not thrive in that environment. Unless I am the host, which is kind of an interesting thing. I find that when I host events, it's a lot easier because I am, you know, creating the event, the scene, I'm inviting all the people there people that I know, and there's a reason for everyone to talk to me because I'm the host. So I actually feel more comfortable leading events versus being an attendee. But you know, generally day to day like I do need a lot of time to just recharge versus being around people. 24 seven.

Kate Kordsmeier 6:23

Yeah, I am definitely an introvert too. I say I'm like an extroverted introvert because I need my alone time. Very much. So which of course, I've gotten plenty of this past year. But I love to talk. So I'm like, I love being one on one with people. I feel like this is like the perfect, you know, business model for me, because I just get to like, talk one on one. And I love that. But yeah, put me in a crowded cocktail party. And I'll be the one like, in the corner with my champagne waiting for somebody to come talk to me. So, okay, you started, you said you didn't have like, this wasn't what your job was, before you did? Do you have a background in publicity? Or like, how did you start making these connections in the beginning,

Selena Soo 7:10

I didn't really have much my background and publicity, I did work briefly in a beauty company as a PR assistant. But most of the time, I was just doing admin tasks or stocking the product closet with like, you know, new things that had been been shipped. And I felt like I was like working at Duane Reade or something like putting stuff off the shelves, I wouldn't really call that like real publicity experiments. But I would say that I was mostly self taught because I was so passionate about making these connections. And also, I would say I'm very good at putting myself in other people's shoes. I'm a naturally like, sensitive and thoughtful person. And I understand that people are so incredibly busy. And even if you tell someone something, it can easily go in one ear and out the other. And I really wanted to make these connections and help these people that had important messages, get these opportunities and have these ideas shared. And so over time, I kind of learned like, what does it take to really capture someone's attention and get them to take action? So it's something that comes naturally to me. But then there's also, you know, experience gained over time as well.

Kate Kordsmeier 8:15

Yeah. Now at the time, I think you were living in New York City. Is

Selena Soo 8:19

that right? Yes. Yeah. See, for most of my adult life from 18 until 36. Okay,

Kate Kordsmeier 8:28

so where do you feel like that helped in terms of making connections, like being in the city where all these magazines were housed, and like where sort of the headquarters weren't, or that it didn't really matter where you were?

Selena Soo 8:40

I think it's helpful, but it doesn't really matter. I mean, there's a lot of other people in New York City, but they don't really, you know, make the most of opportunities. So one of the things that I done and I continue to do is I'll just reach out to people and introduce myself. So you know, maybe there's someone at a magazine that I want to me, and I'll just introduce myself and say, Hey, I organize these, like Sunday champagne brunches, with, you know, interesting people in the media, and my friends, I would love to invite you, you know, brunches on me, that sort of thing. Or I'm hosting a little cocktail party bringing together some really great people. Here are some of the people that are confirmed to attend. And that's important. So you always want to know, like, who else is coming? So you've got a couple people where they're like, ooh, I would like to meet that person, or Oh, I see. Selena brings people together. I want to be a part of this soiree, then that's a way to kind of connect with people. But today, like I will reach out to people and there's no in person gathering, but I will reach out and introduce myself. Maybe it's a contributor for Forbes and other publication and just say, hey, I'd love to get to know you. I'd love to see how I can be helpful because I really enjoy connecting people. So it's not so much about location even though of course it can help the number one thing is like being a go getter, and also just understanding that not everyone's going to say yes, and it really doesn't matter. Because what's the worst that can happen? You don't hear that. Not a big deal. Totally.

Kate Kordsmeier 10:01

I mean, I, you know, my background is I was a freelance journalist for many years. And so I'm very familiar with pitching and being either rejected or more than likely not hearing anything back. And it's just funny to me, I, I'll say it like and take it to the grave, because people always will say, like, how did you get in Travel and Leisure? How did you get in this magazine? Like, I just asked, I just pitched them an idea. And, you know, I've got the right person at the right time. And I sent them a good a good pitch and like, they're not going to come to you, at least not in the beginning. So like, you have to put yourself out there and like, yeah, it probably took me like, 20 nose before I finally got to the Yes, absolutely. Yeah,

Selena Soo 10:45

I completely relate to that. I mean, I still don't get a yes to every single opportunity. But that's also because like, think about it, like if we each think of ourselves as a media outlet, you know, maybe our social media platform, you consider it being a media outlet. You know, it's not like we're going to post about every, you know, one's stuff. It's like, we're selective about what we choose to share. If we've got a podcast or an email list, there are plenty of people that are amazing. But you're still going to select, you know, certain people to feature certain ideas based on also what you're looking for at that moment in time.

Kate Kordsmeier 11:19

Yeah. So let's explore this like fear thing for a little bit, because I do think a lot of people listening are afraid of pitching themselves or putting themselves out there in some way. And maybe some of it is this like, what if they say no? What are some of the other kind of fears that you see come up with people when it comes to visibility?

Selena Soo 11:41

Yeah, there's so many fears, I feel like a lot of people's fears are around performance and being seen, in addition to the fear of getting a no and I actually have a personal story to share around this. So early on in my business, I had a client, I was helping her with visibility, and publicity and she was like Selena, you're so amazing. I want to put you in front of my audience. And I remember feeling nervous about it, because I really was comfortable behind the scenes. But then I thought, you know what, let me say yes, this is someone that really wants to help me write and get in front of more people. And so I did a video interview actually, just like this, except it was on Skype. And it was something that I didn't have a lot of experience doing myself being in the spotlight. And I remember watching the recording later with my interns at the time, I remember covering my face with my hands being like, Oh my gosh, this is like watching a horror movie. Yeah, just talking like so. So fast as if I was on like two times speed, but I wasn't. And you know, my eyes darting being an introvert, you know, being in my head. And also like some of these questions, you know, I wasn't used to answering because I never put myself out there. And I had my interns count the number of filler words I use because I was in a program called Toastmasters, which is all about public speaking and you count like, your, your nose and, and all of that. And they've counted up to 137 filler words. Yeah, I remember thinking like, Oh, my gosh, okay, we can just stop. Clearly, this is a complete disaster. This is so embarrassing. Like, I'm not good at this. And one of my interns was like, You know what, maybe not maybe she said, actually, Selena, I thought it was a good interview, like I thought you shared really great advice and stories. And I think that's going to help a lot of people. And I remember being so stunned, because all I saw were the bad things. And I decided to actually release the interview. I was like, Well, maybe not everyone's gonna open my email, or let me see, I'm curious to see what happens, even though I'm terrified. And so I released it, and people wrote back, and I only got positive comments. And people were like, oh, wow, it's so exciting to see on video, oh, you have such a way of like, expressing your ideas. Like all these things. I'm like, Oh, my gosh, I wasn't expecting this. And so there's a few key ideas I want to share, you know, with your audience, because it's like we all struggle with this. And number one is that we are our own worst critic, you know, isn't that true, right? We focus on all the things that we did wrong versus focusing on where we may have done well, and so we have this skewed perception. The second thing is sometimes we have unrealistic expectations for ourselves, you know, we may think of our favorite entrepreneurs, experts, author as role models, and maybe they seem to just so eloquently, like, you know, beyond that Ted Talk stage or they're amazing on you know, video, or they just share their ideas so beautifully. And we we have a vision for ourselves of being there. But it's unrealistic to expect ourselves on day one, to be where these people are maybe five years, 10 years, 20 years or 30 years later, after putting in the work to get better, you know, in presenting better and publicity. Yeah, and then the other idea is like the only way to actually get better and bridge that gap is to do the work and actually to take imperfect action. It will be imperfect, but you will get better and better. And then the last big idea is that, you know, a lot of times we put the emphasis on us like, Oh my gosh, I sounded stupid, or I don't feel like I look my best today, I feel like I'm overweight or this and that. And it's a lot of dialogue about like us and how we look and how we sound. But when you really take that away, and just think about it, you know, did you show up to serve to give? Were you generous with your ideas and your stories? And do you think that your advice could actually help someone, right? And the answer is, yes, then, you know, you've done your job, because it's not about making ourselves look cool. We just put that aside, we focus on who we're helping, I think that really takes a lot of the pressure off.

Kate Kordsmeier 15:46

Yeah, so many good gems in there. I mean, I feel like the taking imperfect action is so important. And I feel like no matter what industry you're in, like, I mean, I teach a lot of people how to start blogs, right. And we know many of our students that refuse to just put, like, publish their first post, because it's not perfect. And I'm like, if you go back, pick any blogger that you love, and follow and go back to their first post, I guarantee you it's awful. Like, everybody starts out messy and imperfect, and like, but you have to start because you'll never improve. If you don't practice. It's like nobody sits down and just knows how to play the piano. You have to sit down, and like you said, show up and do the work and put in the time. And if you never if you never start, you know, you'll just stay stuck exactly where you are. And then I love just like, of course, we all know, we're our own worst critics. But it's such a good reminder that the other thing too is like nobody's looking at you like that. like nobody else analyzes other people the way we analyze ourselves, right? And so, I would never I've never watched an interview with somebody giving great advice and been like, oh, her eyeliner is a little off or like something you know that we're like, oh my god, I can't believe my hair looks like that or something stupid. It's like nobody else even notice.

Selena Soo 17:08

Exactly. So good.

Kate Kordsmeier 17:45

So on the subject of kind of these fears, and you know, just other things that can hold us back from putting ourselves out there. Do you feel like there's ever been a time where you just felt like it was maybe just unsafe to be seen? Or to be visible like that? Is there anything? Or have you worked with clients like that?

Selena Soo 18:27

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I think a lot of people, you know, have a burning message or a story to share, but they are afraid to do so. Because, you know, they think, well, maybe my story might hurt other people, or maybe this is going to make me look bad. You know, I have a personal story. I know, you know, we've talked about it, you've read it, I shared a story on medium about how I was in an emotionally abusive relationship, even as a smart and successful woman. And it was something that I wanted to share for a long time. But you know, there also has to be the right time, I was in this unhealthy relationship for a year and a half where the person started by wining and dining me and love bombing. It's like a new psychological term, I've heard that people use to, you know, overwhelm you with all of these grand gestures with like, an end goal to like, manipulate and control you. And so I fell in love with this person. And this person ended up finding ways to like enter my business, and, you know, build me up and put me down and break me down and sought to get more control over, you know, me my life and my business. And, you know, after I left the situation for a year and a half, I was still being emotionally abused. Because, you know, there's communications apps and social media, and I would block this person on every account, but then he would just create a new phone number and at one point, there were over 33 phone numbers, and I was just getting this barrage of harassing and, you know, really just stressful messages. And so, you know, there were things I had to do. To get save, even though I was never physically abused, I felt physically unsafe, sometimes your body is just like screaming at you. And you have to get out of the situation like you don't want to get near this person. So I had to do a lot of things to get myself protected. And after that point when I was safe, and it was like, Okay, I want to share my story for me, I didn't share it. So I fully got out of that situation in 2020. But I thought, like, Oh, my gosh, there's already so much happening in 2020, let me give myself a little rest. And I chose to share in February, because February is the month of love and relationships, and a lot of people are celebrating the beautiful and amazing relationships that they have. And it's so inspiring. And the reality is, there are millions of women and men that are in abusive romantic relationships and situations and their story is completely different. And I felt the reason why I mean, there's many reasons why I shared my story. But the primary reason was really, or maybe two primary reasons, one for myself one for, you know everyone else. But when I was in that situation, I was being controlled, and I was always being kind of like scared and threatened into silence, and you can't talk about this, and, you know, feeling like if I did talk about it, then all these things would happen to me. So just like liberating myself from these, you know, fears and all the secrecy around it. But also, I felt like there's a lot of people, really any man, any woman could fall or you know, become susceptible to this kind of abuse, because it's gradual, and it's unexpected. And when you're emotionally attached to someone, you know, we tell ourselves when no one's perfect, or whatever it is, we overlook red flags. And so I wanted people in this situation to feel less alone and also to recognize the warning signs, because maybe they're in the beginning stages where they're being controlled, and they can read my story and be like, well, I don't want to go down that path. And also have an example of someone who who extricate themselves from that situation. And also last but not least, like really understanding the thought process, like I spent a lot of time sharing when I was thinking and each of those moments play things. And people think, Well, you know, and it's not helpful when people say this to you, but like, Oh, I would never, you know, be in that situation. Or I would never let someone talk to me that way. You know, why did she stay? Why did she go back and when you read my story, not saying that, I think people should do the same thing as me. But I think people can understand why people, whether it's themselves or others that they love in their lives, like make those decisions, and then be able to make better choices. So anyways, that was the scariest thing I shared. But it was liberating, and it helps so many people.

Kate Kordsmeier 22:39

Yes, it did help so many people. And we'll link the story to that Selena's referencing here in the show notes for anybody who wants to go read it, which I highly recommend reading, it's very powerful. But I think I love what you said about, like, it's not just about you, of course, there's like things that you should show up for yourself for and that's obviously very important. But when you choose not to, you're also depriving the world of your gifts or your lessons or your insights. And so I think reminding ourselves that like there's something bigger than us, there's a bigger reason if you have something that could help somebody else, to not show up and share that because you're scared of what other people might think, you know, you really end up depriving the world of that. And so, yeah, reminder.

Selena Soo 23:27

No, I agree. And I think that, you know, some people are different for some, for some of us, myself included, it feels like a personal responsibility slash a spiritual responsibility to show up and share what we have to offer. I know, some people will think, well, there's other people in my industry that have more experience, or they're already in the media. But with each of us, we have our own personal story, our own unique traits that are going to draw other people to us. Some people are drawn to me specifically over you know, other, you know, publicity experts out there, because they'll say, you know, Selena, the fact that you're introverted and shy and had all these fears, and yet you're doing this, it really inspires me because I need someone to show me that that is similar to me in some way to show me that it's possible, and or other people might, you know, be gravitate to someone because they're closer, they've got a similar background or maybe similar years in business, whereas like, just hearing business advice from someone who's like 30 years in business with like, you know, a multi million dollar or a a billion dollar company is not going to feel relevant to where they are right now. So we need all sorts of, you know, people out there expressing different viewpoints from different stages of experiences and walks of life.

Kate Kordsmeier 24:40

Yeah, for sure. I think that's such an important lesson of like, we need everybody along the spectrum. And there's always going to be somebody who knows more than you and somebody that knows less than you and like you just have to show up as you and with that kind of serving mentality and that there will be people that are drawn to you specifically because you're not The foremost expert or you're not the one who's you know, been doing that thing for 30 years, some people might look at that person and go, Well, they're out of touch. Like they don't know what's happening today or if they started today, things would look very different. How? So? I think it's it's a good reminder to everybody, it's like, don't hold yourself back, because you're not the number one expert in some some category completely.

Selena Soo 25:22

Yeah.

Kate Kordsmeier 25:23

So you mentioned people obviously coming to work with you, I know you have you're impacting millions program, can you tell us about how that works? And what people could expect?

Selena Soo 25:32

Yeah, absolutely. So impacting millions is all about helping people go from a best kept secret to a highly sought after expert and industry leader. And really, you know, having the tools to amplify their message, their story, their products and services. I believe that as entrepreneurs, all of us need to know how to get other people excited about our work, get other people talking about our work and sharing it because the thing is, if we're the only person saying, Hey, I'm really good at what I do, that message is not gonna, you know, go so far you need other people, you need media outlets, with a built in audiences, and also influencers, who I consider to be the new media who, you know, oftentimes, they'll have podcasts when they've got, you know, virtual speaking opportunities, or groups and, you know, different platforms, where they're reaching people and publishing content. And so we, you know, help people figure out, okay, based on, you know, your business goals, and what you're looking to accomplish, what's the right kind of publicity for you? Because there are people you know, and impacting millions who are like, Well, you know, I don't need necessarily millions of people knowing about me, but you know, I like to have, like, you know, I would feel amazing to have 15 Premium clients, you know, and there's other people who are saying, Hey, I don't have offerings where I need people to work with me one on one, but I want them to read my books, or read my ideas. And I would love to reach many 1000s, if not millions, right? So depending on what your goals are, there's many different places where you want to be featured to get in front of those right people. And then we figure out, Okay, how do you get into all these different kinds of media outlets, whether you want guest posting top podcasts, magazines, TV, or opportunities to be featured by you know, top influencers and experts, so we show you how to get those opportunities, and also how to leverage them so that they really make that impact inside your business.

Kate Kordsmeier 27:20

I think that leverage piece is one that so many people, myself included, can forget that sometimes it's like, oh, we land this great interview, or we're on somebody's podcast, or featured somewhere. And then we just like, let it go. Like it comes out. Maybe we post on Instagram, like, Hey, I was in Forbes or something. And then that's it. And you really taught me like how to make the most of that and that it's not just, you know, sharing the one time and, and how to even like when you're on somebody's podcast, what are the things you could do to bring their listeners over to your audience and giving them like a freebie or a reason to come hang out with you? And yeah, I think that's such a missed opportunity that I didn't even think about until I met you last year and was like, Oh, right. What am I doing just like getting this opportunity and then doing nothing with it afterwards.

Selena Soo 28:11

Right, exactly. And when people are, you know, listening to you, they're having a conversation. They're excited to learn more. And so make sure that you give them like a next step. Yeah.

Kate Kordsmeier 28:20

Yeah, for sure. So okay, let's see, we have so next week, we have Lynya Floyd, which is Selena's senior media coach inside of impacting millions, she's sharing like, a lot of very, we did a lightning round, it's like a very practical, here's how to do this, here's how to do that. Here's how to pitch this person and how to, you know, very, very step by step. But I'd love to hear from you just kind of maybe some more higher level ideas of getting publicity getting out there. Like, if somebody has a small business, and they are just like, I don't even know what I would pitch the media on, like, how do I even come up with an idea?

Selena Soo 29:00

Yeah, absolutely. So there's a couple things to think about. So you want to pitch ideas that are going to make sense for you and your business, but you also want to pitch ideas are going to be well received by the media? I think the first place to start is with ourselves. And I like entrepreneurs to think about, you know, what is the number one thing they want to be known for? And I would say for most of us, the number one thing we want to be known for is going to be connected to what we sell and our business or how we're serving people. So for example, Kate, you know, in our mastermind together, you want to talk about a range of topics, maybe someone's talking about their evergreen sales funnel, someone else's talking about how to hire a team member, someone is talking about a free challenge, right? So these are all topics that maybe I could speak on. But I'm not going to go into podcast and talk about that. Because that's, you know, there's only a very small segment of people in the universe, that would be a right fit for the mastermind, right to say a mastermind has like about 20 people or 10 people whereas, maybe you have other programs where a lot more people could be a part of that, right? So, for me, the way that people come into my world is typically they will, you know, join impacting millions. And that's the main way that I like to help people is really to get that publicity and to be seen as that, you know, go to expert and get these opportunities. So if I'm doing interviews, I want to talk about publicity consistently. Because otherwise, we're gonna want to see if I can help them with hiring their next team member is really like not even my core expertise. So I think everyone should think about, you know, with my business, what's the offering, that makes the most money that I enjoy delivering? And what is that topic, and that needs to be the topic that you pitch you to create story ideas relate to the topic, but it should all be, you know, connected to something that makes sense in the business. And even you know, when you are being interviewed, you know, talk about how you help people because maybe, you know, you don't have group programs, but you only work with people one on one, then make sure to say, you know, when I work with my clients, one on one, you know, we focus on xy and z, or one of my, you know, private clients shared XYZ, right, so people know how to interview, okay, this is how you work with people, you know, people know from our interview, like I have impacting millions. And so those are ways to just like really organically express who you are and what you're up to, but also for people to understand, you know, how they can do more with you. So I mean, I'll stop there, we can go into like others, you know, story ideas, what the media is looking for. But I think that it's kind of backwards to just be like, how do I get in the media without getting clear on? What do I want the media to do for me? Right?

Kate Kordsmeier 31:35

Yeah, getting clear on what's the goal of this publicity in the first place? Yeah, makes a lot of sense. So what do you see are some of the biggest mistakes that you see entrepreneurs making with publicity, like anything you see commonly happening that you feel like we should do differently?

Selena Soo 31:52

Yeah, so we can talk about like, the three of the key things that, you know, the media looks for, when they're getting story ideas, a lot of times stories don't have these things, or they do or they don't, but one of them is the media is always looking for a story ideas that are going to be valuable and help other people. And sometimes, you know, as entrepreneurs, we can lead with our product, because that's the end goal. But it's not interesting to someone that, oh, I have a, you know, group program that starts next month, or, you know, you can buy this thing you want to think about, well, how can this benefit people. So just making sure that you know, what you're sharing can have the ability to help a lot of people just by reading your ideas and tips versus, you know, having to buy the product or service. The other thing is that the media is really looking for story ideas that are timely. And in the moment, you know, there's certain times of year where everyone is particularly interested in certain topics, or there's things in the media where, you know, the media wants to keep reporting on certain trends or, you know, cultural issues. And then last but not least, people love stories that have some kind of emotional charge to them, that gets people to pay attention, something that feels particularly vulnerable, or shocking, or fascinating or unusual or counter intuitive. Those are things are going to break through the noise. So and then I would just add to that with story ideas, because a lot of times people will not actually pitch a full store idea, they'll catch a topic. So hey, I'm an expert on work life balance. I'm an expert on writing. But we need more details. What is a specific story idea? And how is this going to help the audience so I recommend that people share their story ideas and the format of a headline, because someone being pitched, whether it's a podcast host or someone that has a website that offers guest posting can see, ooh, I would click on that article that piqued my curiosity. So that would already be you know, points in your favor. And then I would say include, you know, a sentence or two or three about the story idea. So if you're like, you know, the top three ways to Xyz, then you want to share what are the top three ways because maybe they'll think, oh, I've already heard this a million times before? Or how do I know that this is anything different? And when you kind of explain your ideas are like, Oh, the idea comes to life and then people can get excited about that.

Kate Kordsmeier 34:12

And then when you're explaining so if you're saying like, here's the top three, you know, ways to do something, then for each like bullet point in your pitch, would you recommend actually like fleshing out those ideas or you just kind of like giving them a preview like the one to give

Selena Soo 34:27

a preview so maybe if you're like, I don't know, like the top five ways to you know, find work life balance this year. You can say, you know, these include one and two, so you can give two of the ideas you don't necessarily have to give all five but it's like a taste. Mm hmm. Yeah,

Kate Kordsmeier 34:46

yeah. Smart. I like that. I like giving them a teaser and then it feels like I know some people will say like, Why don't want to give the whole idea away. Because then what if they just take it and don't, you know, or something which I think is one of those like, fears that is an unnecessary fear that that doesn't really happen not to say that it never does. I know in my freelancing days that a lot of the writers I was friends with would be like, Oh, I never want to give them like too much of the story in advance because they could just take it run with it or something. But like, I think I saw that happen maybe once or twice in eight years of journalism. So something that we really need to worry about, but I like it the idea of formatting as a headline so and you're also making the writers job easier, the editor, whoever you're pitching by doing that. So I think same reason like that you said, one of the things that media looks for as valuable service oriented content and ideas. It's like the same thing in your pitch, like be valuable to your to whoever you're pitching, make their job easier. And then you know, they'll like you

calling all imposters, okay, that was a joke. But I know so many of us, myself included struggle with imposter syndrome. So if you can relate this one's for you. So maybe you keep hearing about how you need publicity in your business, but you feel like you're not at the level you should be air quotes around that in order to be featured in a magazine or a podcast. Or maybe you think I'm just a blogger, fancy media features aren't part of my business model. Now, you are not alone. So many bloggers and online entrepreneurs tell me that they don't need or want publicity or they're not ready for it. But guess what? They're wrong. Getting your name and your work in front of new audiences is one of the best ways to increase your impact and income organically as in no paid ad spend required. So if you're ready to make your publicity dreams come true in 2021 check out my friend Selena Sue's publicity calendar. Selena is a publicity strategist and the most connected person I have ever met. This calendar has everything you need to get started like 40 plus pages of story ideas, you can pitch to the media and exactly when to pitch them. Strategies for tackling sensitive and timely issues, everything from COVID-19 to Black Lives Matter. And Selena's top three insider secrets for scoring major media coverage and building an audience of raving fans along the way. So Selena and her team spent more than 40 hours putting this together for you. So you can put yourself out there with confidence and meet the media's needs like a mind reader. Plus, you can use it to map out your social media and newsletter content for the rest of the year. So to get your hands on the Ultimate Guide to publicity in 2021, head to successwithsoul.co/publicity and grab your copy. Now it's free, the right kind of media attention can skyrocket your brand and your earning potential fast. So head on over to Kate kordsmeier.com/publicity to get your calendar now.

Okay, so let's see, I have a couple other questions before we go here. So let's go back to the beginning, we were talking about how you're just such a great connector and you build such genuine relationships. So how do you do this from a really authentic place of building these powerful relationships? I mean, one of the things I remember I first met you, I was actually in a different mastermind, you came to speak at it. And then afterwards, I emailed you, and we just got to talking and like pretty quickly, you said, Let's jump on a zoom and just like get to know each other. And that was the first time anybody has ever asked me to just get on a zoom call just to get to know each other. Like, there was no, it was not transactional. It was not like I can do this for you. If you do this for me, or like, let me try to sell you into something. It was just like, let's just chat. And ever since then I've like I always think about like how rare that is. And I wonder if it's one of those things where it's like It is that simple. It just like people don't do it.

Selena Soo 39:03

Yeah, it is. And I think it's so important to build a network of people who you know, inspire you and who, you know, you find interesting. So, you know, we don't always need to know like, what's going to come a relationship. So yeah, when I meet people that just like sparked my interest, I'll be like, hey, I'd love to jump on a call with you. So and also, I think for me, because I'm more comfortable and like one on one conversations versus big groups, it's a way to kind of build a meaningful relationship that has depth. So I would encourage people to think about that. You know, the The cool thing is, if you were to just, you know, jump on one and I call them like connection calls, right? Because there's no, you know, there isn't necessarily need to be a goal beyond connecting and getting to know someone, but if you do a connection call with one new person a week, you know, over by the end of the year and even if you take the week of Christmas off or your birthday or whatever You've got 50 brand new connections that you've made. And if you do this for two years, and you have like 100, cool new inspiring people in your network. I mean, you can also I mean, you know, there's ways to kind of maintain those relationships to that, that might be like a whole nother thing. But the thing is, I find that when you develop like a meaningful connection with someone, like you don't have to talk to them all the time, like, there's people that I know, and I absolutely adore them. But I don't need to be like catching up on zoom every month with them. But when we reconnect, maybe it's several months later, a year later, a year and a half. It's like we're able to, you know, kind of get back to where we left off, because the relationship, you know, had depth to it.

Kate Kordsmeier 40:42

Yeah. So I want to ask about maintaining, but before we go there, let's just, I think there's a lot of people, myself included, who would say, Okay, so let's say, Are you are you asking for connection calls with people, like out of the blue? Like, you would just reach out to somebody who you'd like to get to know and ask them for a connection call? Or is it somebody who knows, we've already been introduced in some way? And then this is sort of like the next step?

Selena Soo 41:09

Yeah. So I think for me, it's really organic. Even though I gave the example of once a week, like I don't, you know, do it once a week like clockwork, it's just when I feel inspired to, but there's usually some kind of connection or reason why we want to explore like, you know, learning about the person further, let's say maybe we were part of a Facebook group together, we took a course together, maybe someone shared something on a q&a call, and I have an idea of how I could help them or I would like to get to know them better. So there's usually a reason why we have a little bit of like a connection, and then saying, like, Hey, I would love to get to know you better. And then sometimes I reach out to the media and just offer to connect and get on calls. And I don't always get yeses, and I don't get a response. But I'm glad that I do it. Because, you know, I have been able to form some really great relationships that have led to like many people, you know, getting opportunities, because I didn't want to open up that door. So yeah, I think that if you're reaching out to someone completely out of the blue, and you know, that's why the media ones are hard, because everyone's reaching out to them, it is a bit harder, you know, because usually people want to feel like they know you a little bit. But it doesn't mean that it can't be done. I've been very successful in reaching out to people that I don't know, without an introduction. I will say though, it's more powerful, if there is something that they they're curious about, like maybe, you know, like in New York, I would invite people to the champagne brunches, and I'd be like, Oh, you know, it's on me, or there's going to be these great people that you're going to meet? Because I also assume that people are busy. And sometimes, you know, the answer is no. But if you can make their lives easier, and be a valuable connection, and just show that you're interested in their goals and helping them, then there will be people who you know, want to connect further. Yeah.

Kate Kordsmeier 42:53

Do you feel like this is different? Like I know that I get, I'm sure you get these all the time to like you reach a certain level of success in your business, and you get people who reach out and are like, I'd love to pick your brain? Could we jump on a call? And I find that I have a hard time deciphering like, okay, when is this more of like this connection style call where this is just kind of like a peer friendship or connection that we could establish versus like somebody just trying to get free advice from me.

Selena Soo 43:22

Yeah, you know, I don't get those requests so much. So I'm lucky. I know that people get it all the time. So yeah, I mean, I think that also, the other thing is, you know, if you have an expertise and you want to get more clients, sometimes giving someone a little taste of what you have to offer, can lead them to really valuing what you have to share and have them wanting more, you know, so there are plenty of people that maybe I brainstorm free advice with, or I've made a connection, and they've ended up becoming a bigger client down the road, or maybe they have, you know, connected me to a potential client or shared something of mine. So it's fine. I think it's also just knowing how much we're comfortable giving and everyone's different, like some people, they're really time strapped, you know, between running their business and taking care of their family or other things. They don't have time to connect with people if there's not, you know, something that is clearly, you know, an immediate Win Win and if that's the case, and just, you know, just be honest and say, you know, I would love to and you know, at the same time I have to be honest like I don't you know the timings not you know, good you know, I don't have the bandwidth for right now. But I I trust that will you know, I look forward to being in touch I trust will reconnect when the time is right or, you know, whatever it is, or point them to a resource that you have. So there's lots of ways to do it.

Kate Kordsmeier 44:47

Yeah. And do you feel like when you're doing these sort of like trying to create just genuine connection and relationships, we have another another podcast visibility expert, actually who is on our show last year, or earlier this year, Angie Trueblood, and she we were talking about just like sometimes it's really hard to just like make friends in this industry especially, it's so everybody's online, of course, we're in a lockdown still, you know, more or less. And so we're not like seeing each other in person as much. And, you know, I made the joke that like, it can feel like you meet somebody, like at the grocery store or something, and you're like reaching for the same Turkey. And then you're like, Sal, you want to get out of here and go see a movie or something. And it's like, Whoa, okay, we just met, like, slow down. And so, like trying to figure out okay, so how do you really like start these relationships without kind of coming on too strong, or like, scaring people away by like, I mean, I know, it's different, because I'm using this kind of, like, dating analogy of like, moving too fast. But you're just like trying to create a friendship without, without feeling like creepy.

Selena Soo 45:55

Yeah, I mean, there's a couple of things that are coming to mind. So one thing is, you know, as entrepreneurs, it's important to develop our reputations and do great work and do you know, because the thing is, like, people want to hang around other people who inspire them, you know, in some way. And so there may be people that I've never met before, but they've seen that I've been on podcasts, or they've listened to a podcast interview, or they, they see something that I'm doing, and it just gives them a taste of who I am. And they're like, Oh, I would be curious to get to know this person more, you know, when I share my story publicly about, you know, being a shy introvert and yet having, you know, this kind of business success and visibility, success, or sharing my story around emotional abuse, you know, when people read these things and learn these things, they kind of feel like they know you, and they're curious to learn more. So a lot of times, like, when I become fast friends with someone, it's usually because maybe I already knew a little bit about them. Or maybe we bonded in a unique environment, like a live event. So I think part of making connections isn't just and you know, we can all come from this place, sometimes where Hey, like, look at me, or I want to be your friend or, but it's also like, you know, kind of when you work on yourself, and they come that attractive person, kind of like going back to dating, it's like, people just kind of like, gravitate towards you a little bit. But I think also, sometimes when we have like this eagerness, and you know, maybe you can feel a little bit like desperation to connect with someone, someone else can feel that and it doesn't feel natural, because, you know, when someone's like a friend, it's like, you're not afraid that they're gonna go anywhere. It's like, okay, maybe you send them a text message, or, you know, whatever it is, and the communication is easygoing and natural, but if I want people maybe like, they'll send an email to someone, and it's really long winded. And it's like, 17 paragraphs, and they feel the need to share their life story and, you know, lock something in right away and a call and this and that, then it feels like a little bit too, too forced. So it's just kind of like a part of it is working on yourself to be your best you and we're all works in progress. And also, just like another big key to building relationships is being interested in other people. You know, people love to feel appreciated. They love to feel heard. And when you feel like someone cares a lot about you, then you naturally become interested in them. So yeah, there's like a lot of little things that you know, you can do to become someone that others want to build relationships with.

Kate Kordsmeier 48:23

Yeah, I think that confidence piece is huge. And I know, for me that even when I'm not like actually feeling that like desperation or something to become somebody's friend, if I'm just not confident if I feel like, oh, they're more successful than I am, are there more this than I am, or they're better than me or something, then, like it's coming from this bad place. I feel like we're never going to build this genuine like friendship. But when you can really like, own who you are, and yeah, show up in that more confident way. work on yourself, show up confidently show up of service and be interested in other people. I think that's all great advice.

Selena Soo 49:03

Thank you.

Kate Kordsmeier 49:04

Yeah. Okay, so we are coming up on the end here, I have a just quick lightning round of questions that I go through with every guest. So don't think too hard about it. Just first thing that comes to your mind. What is your favorite way to make time for self care?

Selena Soo 49:20

I love to go hiking, I find that it really clears my mind and just makes me feel amazing. Love it.

Kate Kordsmeier 49:27

What is one tool or strategy that you use to help with time management?

Selena Soo 49:32

I use loom a lot to record videos for people for my team members so that we don't have to schedule additional meetings.

Kate Kordsmeier 49:39

I love loom so much to loom and boxers like anything to get me off of meetings and just like okay, I can just do this real quickly. In my own time. We don't have to coordinate so much better. Yeah. Okay. What's the most powerful or could be a recent one doesn't have to be the most but business mindset or entrepreneurial book you I've ever read.

Selena Soo 50:01

Oh, gosh, let's see what comes to mind. Oh, the book essentialism by Greg McMullen. It's my favorite book I really like embodies my entire life and business philosophy.

Kate Kordsmeier 50:12

Yes, I love that book too. So good. Do you have a favorite quote or mantra or affirmation or just something that maybe you're telling yourself lately?

Selena Soo 50:23

Sure. One of my favorite quotes is by a New York restaurant churning Danny Mayer. And the quote is a business like life is all about how you make people feel. It's that simple. And it's that hard.

Kate Kordsmeier 50:37

It's so good.

Selena Soo 50:40

Oh, that's really good.

Kate Kordsmeier 50:42

I like that. That's not hard. So true. Okay, so last question. Obviously, the podcast is called Success with Soul. What does Success with Soul mean to you? Yeah, I

Selena Soo 50:54

would say Success with Soul is about you know, feeling really happy with your life, like having your own personal definition of success and not feeling like you need other people to validate what you're doing. And so for me, it also looks like saying no to opportunities that people say yes to leaving money on the table, my business. And just like feeling very happy and content with what I already have. I'm not saying that, you know, I don't invite the opportunity to grow or do more or be more, but to really be like, relishing and cherishing what I already have in my life.

Kate Kordsmeier 51:30

Yeah, so important. Thanks so much, Selena. It was so fun chatting.

Selena Soo 51:34

Thanks, Kay.

Kate Kordsmeier 51:40

Wait a minute. I know I know. You're eager to get back to your life. But before you turn off this episode, I want to share something super quick with you. I know you're probably sick of hearing other podcasters ask you to leave reviews. But here's the deal. If you like a podcast, and you want them to be able to continue delivering you free episodes every week, we need your support. If you subscribe on the apple podcast, Google podcast, app, Spotify, or wherever you listen, it makes it possible for me to continue to provide free helpful content and bring you amazing guests. And if you take it one step further, by giving us a rating and review with your honest feedback, we can improve better serve you in the future. And you could even be featured on a future episode during our listener spotlights. Because if we don't get the reviews, we don't get the rankings. And it makes it a lot harder to continue justifying the cost and time expense of producing a podcast every week, and convincing amazing guests to come on the show. And of course your reviews are super helpful and motivating to me personally, and I love hearing from you. So on that note, we're gonna end this episode with another listener spotlight. Here we go. This review comes from Jessica cha. She says regardless if I was interested in creating a blog or online courses, I found a lot of the episodes to be super inspiring. I've learned a ton about listening to my body which turned into learning about self love and boundaries. I have anxiety disorder and listening to the episodes really helped me even with my full time job. I am so glad we could be of service to you Jessica. I actually went to elementary school with a girl named Jessica cha and I'm wondering if it's you probably not but super small world if it is

Transcribed by https://otter.ai