124: Powerful Mindset Coaching for When You’re Saying, “I Feel Stuck In Life”

Molly Cahill 0:00

I had my first $10,000 month and now I'm having consistent $18,000 months. Thanks to Kate in the strategies I learned inside the Success with Soul incubator. It is by far the best money I've ever invested into my business it has paid off for sure not to mention the time that it saved me being able to just copy paste, import Kate's funnel. And I love that you get a lot of one on one time with Kate on the weekly group calls and that you get direct feedback and direct critiques on your specific questions that are unique to your business. And I also love that she doesn't give you this one size fits all business in a box approach. She recognizes and appreciates that every business is unique. And she helps you walk through those unique challenges for your specific business. And on top of that, I love that she's just a real human who walks the talk. So highly recommend Success with Soul incubator. Thank you so much, Kate.

Kate Kordsmeier 1:00

You're listening to the Success with Soul podcast where we believe empowering women is the key to creating a brighter future for us all. Whether you're an entrepreneur, employee or stay at home mom, this podcast is for you. I'm your host Kate Kordsmeier and ICF life and business coach who has made over 2.2 million while working less than 25 hours a week, raising two toddlers and quitting social media. I'm here to transparently share my expertise and help you create a life and business you love. Together with my diverse team of passionate women, many of whom you'll hear from on this podcast, we empower 1000s with holistic strategies, personal development resources and mindset tools to find freedom, flexibility and fulfillment and business and beyond. Every week we offer life coaching for Busy Women who want to improve their relationships, self care and overall well being and business coaching for coaches, course creators and consultants who want to make money sustainably. We believe personal growth and entrepreneurship are powerful tools for creating social change. And the world is a better place When more women find their voice and create their own money, power and freedom. Expect candid conversations and insightful interviews with experts that will inspire and support you on your path to intentional whole living and Success with Soul on your terms. It's time to ditch the hustle and find inner peace. Here we go.

Indira 2:28

Welcome back to the Success with Soul podcast. I'm your guest host Indira and I'm so excited for what we have in store for you. So over the next three weeks, we are going to be sharing a three part mini training series, we are going to take you behind the scenes inside of our incubator coaching calls, and we are going to give you actionable tips on how you can start making money, how to get unstuck, and what to do when you feel behind. So you are going to be seeing a sneak peek into the strategies, the tools, the tips, all of the tactics that we share with our clients inside of the incubator. So if you are a coach or consultant or entrepreneur, and you know that you could use more help making money or want to learn what to do when you get stuck, and what to do when you feel behind, then you'll definitely want to tune in for the next three weeks in this three part mini series. I'm so excited, let's dive in

Rachel Silves 3:52

Seeing or just like little session on what to do when you're stuck. So this has been coming up for like me lately, sometimes in my own job. But then also I've been hearing from some of you just like I'm stuck on XYZ or like I'm stuck here. And so I just thought I would offer some ways to think about what you can do when you think you're stuck or what you can do when you're feeling stuck. And for me the most useful way of and you guys can take this and leave this if you want but for me the the most useful way of working through this is by like asking myself a series of questions to help me like define the problem a little bit more define the stuckness and then help me to take action into moving forward. So that's what I thought I would offer on this call today. So when I'm catching myself telling myself in my head, like I'm stuck on this and also you could also apply this to like you have something on your schedule and you're looking at it and you're like I don't really want to do this. So the first thing I like to think about is defining like what specifically am I stuck on and sometimes just asking myself that question is really informative and really like helps me define the problem is and a little bit more specific. So like one example I've been hearing from some people is like, I'm stuck on my lead magnet, or I'm stuck on my welcome series, or I'm stuck on this thing. And so then asking yourself this question like, What specifically am I stuck on? Is like, so eye opening. Because like, you're not really stuck on the lead magnet, like you're stuck on? Like, are you stuck on writing the lead magnet? Are you stuck on the idea of the lead magnet? Are you stuck on the tech of a lead magnet? Are you stuck on like sitting down and putting the time to do the lead magnet on your calendar? Like, what exactly are you stuck on specifically? Because I think the answers that question can really help, like, you come up with ways to break through that stuckness and to problem solve. So that's kind of the first question that I like to ask myself when I'm stuck. And like I had this last week where like, Kate, like, we're writing a whole email copy for new membership funnel. And I'm like, catching myself thinking like, I don't want to do this anymore. And I'm stuck on this. And so like, going back and asking myself, like, what, like, what email am I stuck on? Usually, you're not just like stuck on the entire project? Usually, it's like something specific that's getting in your way. Is that your mindset? Is it like this particular email? Is it the content? Is it the design, like, what is it? And that's one thing that can help you move forward? So I'll offer that to you as one step that you can take when you're feeling stuck about something in particular? Do you have anything to add, cater? Should I continue on my list of questions to ask myself?

Kate Kordsmeier 6:26

No, I think it's so true. And again, like can apply to everything in life, I feel like our brains kind of like to stay in problem mode. And when we're vague, it's really easy to stay in problem mode, because you can just be like, I'm stuck here, or I just had this in my personal life last week. And it was something like if this doesn't happen, and then I had this vague, like, or else thing like this needs to happen, or else and then my coach said, or else what like what specifically would happen? And then it was like, Oh, well, actually, it's not that bad. And here's what would happen. And I just think getting that specificity moves our brains from problem mode to solution mode. So I think it's great,

Rachel Silves 7:14

That actually kind of ties into the next question that I like to ask myself. So like, after I figure out why I'm exactly stuck. Like, I like to go into a visualization and imagine myself not being stuck and think about what would I be doing if I wasn't stuck. And just like, you could do this with your eyes closed, you can do this with a journal like in whatever way works for you. I think that's another thing that can kind of help you unlock the stuckness in your brain is if like, nothing's even changing. You're literally just sitting here and imagining yourself not being stuck. And then thinking about the things that you would do if you weren't stuck. And like I said, I think that can be really helpful in just unlocking the solution part of our brain when we're dealing with things that we think we're stuck on. So after I do those two things, or maybe not necessarily in, in linear order, but another question that I like to ask myself when I'm stuck is by being stuck or telling myself the story of being stuck, am I really avoiding something else? And this is actually that I see come up a lot because by being like stuck on, like blogging, perhaps or a lead magnet, or pitching a podcast get to be a podcast guest? Like, could it be that you're really avoiding wanting to getting yourself out there, or you're avoiding the fear of failure? Or you're avoiding, you know, insert XYZ. And so that's another thing that I like to think about is like, when I'm telling myself, I'm stuck. Am I really trying to avoid something else? am I really afraid of something and telling myself that I'm stuck is kind of what we Kate was just talking about? It's like that safety in my brain of like, oh, I can just say that I'm stuck here. And like, I don't really know what to do. So I just I'll avoid doing this other thing. So I think that can be an important question to consider as well. And then doing something to add Kate. You're nodding. But yeah,

Kate Kordsmeier 8:57

These are so good. Rach. And I just was going to add that. Again, going back to the specificity thing, I think, a good question to ask yourself in tandem with this one of like, what am I really avoiding something else is, what is the specific emotion I'm avoiding. And so a lot of times, that's what we are really trying to run away from or hide from, is like, we don't want to feel a certain way. And again, if you can just say like, well, I don't want to feel like a failure, or I don't want to feel bad. That's kind of vague. But what if you could get even more specific and say, like, I, you know, am avoiding uncertainty, or I am avoiding and like, get really specific and naming that emotion. And oftentimes, you'll see that again, like your brain is used to the story of I'm stuck here b and so it feels safe because it's so familiar. And it's really often about like avoiding some kind of uncomfortable emotion, and the more comfortable we can get With just saying like, it's okay to feel disappointed. Like I'm maybe avoiding this because I'm afraid that if I do it and it doesn't work, I'm going to feel disappointed. And say, yeah, you might, and what's wrong with feeling disappointed? And even like taking that a step further and saying, what happens when I'm disappointed? Like what does feeling disappointed feel like? And like, close your eyes and really feel that in your body like for you? What does disappointment feel? Like? Is it a tightness in your chest? Is it like a, you know, Is your stomach churning? Do you have a headache, like what happens for you, when you feel that and whatever it is usually at the end of it, you can go okay, so if I do this, and it doesn't work, I'm going to feel disappointed and my stomach's gonna hurt. And then I'm going to move on. And then it's like, okay, I could do that. So I think yeah, just again, that specificity and thinking about what is this really about? What am I really avoiding? All good questions.

Rachel Silves 10:56

Yeah, I love that.

Kate Kordsmeier 11:01

Well, hey, there, it's Kate Kordsmeier. And I wanted to play a quick game with you. Let me know which of these you can raise your hand for? Are you wanting to reconnect with your authentic self, soul and purpose to become the woman you want to be? We want you to create aligned habits for more rest and less stress, to live intentionally and take control of your daily life, to connect to other women who are on growth journeys, and rediscover your inherent worthiness and value so you can step into your power. Are you wanting to get clarity on life's decisions and your direction? Are you wanting to partner with your mindset to achieve your goals and find the balance between your priorities and all of the competing roles you serve? If you're saying yes, then you're going to absolutely love our Success with Soul membership. This monthly membership includes monthly soul sessions with energy healers, spiritual guides, wellness gurus and other guest experts, monthly mindset coaching calls, cyclical living guidance, journaling prompts, and taro and other resources and tools for living a soulful, whole life. Head on over to Kate kordsmeier.com/membership to join us today. That's Kate kordsmeier.com/membership.

Rachel Silves 12:15

So the other thing that I had to offer and I think I offered this on a Thursday, call last week, and to a couple of you individually, but one question you can also ask yourself is like where you're at on the scale of done versus perfect. So if you have, on one side of the scale you have, like, whatever you're stuck on is like done. And on the other side of the scale you have whatever you're stuck on is like, perfect. Could you move? Where are you on that scale, and like specifically, what I mean by this is, sometimes we get stuck, because we're too far on that perfect side of the scale. And we're like stuck, because we want things to be perfect. We want our course to be perfect. Before we get it out there. We want our welcome series to be perfect before we turn it on. And what I'm throwing out, I want my revision of this welcome this funnel to be perfect before Kate looks at it type of situations. And so by asking yourself this question is like, what would it look like to move closer to the done side of the scale and just start taking action on it and like let go of the perfection is another strategy that you can use when you're feeling stuck to kind of help you start taking some of that action on whatever you're stuck on? And then kind of along the same lines with that question. You can ask yourself like, well, what's the worst thing that can happen if I do this wrong? And then the follow up question is like, Is there even a right way to do this? And so oftentimes, at least for me, I'm always like wanting to look at like the right way to do things, or the best way to do things. And oftentimes, it gets stuck. Like I even had this experience where I like, I'm terrible at yoga, and I can't I'm not flexible, and I can't stretch. And so I like paid for this, like yoga coaching one time. And she was like watching me do yoga, and I kept being like, is this right? Is this perfect? Is this position perfect? And she's like, Dude, there's like no, right or no perfect, like, you just just do it just like get in the habit of doing the best that you can. And you can always grow and evolve, like in your yoga positions and in your business, and like it can apply to so much in life. And so I just think asking yourself, like, what's the worst that can happen if you do it wrong? And is there even a right way to do it? I feel like sometimes we get stuck. Or at least I get stuck. And I've seen it in some of our clients, too, is like, asking, is there a right way to do it? Is this the right way. And that's what holds you back on just like taking action and moving forward. So that's something that I found super useful for me. And feel free to interrupt me, Kate, or I'll just keep going. But another question that you can kind of ask yourself is MK asked us all the time, but if you didn't know the answer, what would it be? So if there's not really a consequence to getting it wrong, and there's not really a right answer, if you didn't know the answer, what would that answer be and just kind of move forward with that? And then the last question that I'll offer you is when you're feeling stuck, especially if it's on like, a complex thing or a bigger thing, obviously it helps like we talked about to define the problem, but sometimes it even helps to like zoom out a little bit. More like what is one step that I could take? Like, even if I'm stuck on like the whole project? What is one step I could take? Okay, so I didn't really understand what Kate was asking you to do to revise this thing, but like, what is one step that I could take in that direction? And then once you take that step, what is the next step after that? And I think that can help like working through that stuckness and making it less of like a big thing. So I see there's some things in the chat. So I'll take a look at that and feel free to chime in. You have any thoughts? Yeah. So you said it's like, that's totally human to like the performer, the right best way to do something you resonate with that?

Ximena 15:33

Yeah. Like, I feel like if I've sent an email, and there's a mistake, I'm like, well...that's it.

Rachel Silves 15:40

And is that true?

Ximena 15:41

No, because people are much more forgiving. And like they Yeah, you don't have that, just that. It's not that ephemeral. It's not that high stakes, in a way, I guess,

Kate Kordsmeier 15:52

well, and thinking too, Ximena, about and we know, we've talked about this with music before, where it's like, if you're the one playing the instrument, or singing, whatever, you are gonna catch your mistakes so much more easily than anybody else like, and a lot of people don't even know what it's supposed to sound like. So yeah, if you're at an audition, and you're, you know, you're performing for like an expert whose job is to judge you. Sure, that is maybe higher stakes. And mistakes aren't as acceptable. But if you're just performing in front of a group of people, they may not even catch the mistake, they may catch it and not care. And like, there's so many things where we're in our heads, and I, we've used this example before, but I sent the team was asking me one day, like, you play the piano, you just need to send us like a video of you playing. And of course, I was like, Well, this is gonna take 10 hours because I have to play with no mistakes. And like, that's very hard for me to do. And I ended up sending it anyway. And I had two mistakes in it. And they didn't know the song. They were like, I thought it was supposed to go like that I didn't catch that you were one note off, or that, you know, you pause here and you shouldn't have or something. So I think it's definitely the same thing with an email. Like they didn't know it was supposed to be a different way. And even if there was a mistake, and I know we've even talked about this with you before, like that, oh, I had the wrong link or something. There's nothing that's like unforgivable. Or that people who would see pay to see you perform even and they're paying not just like free subscribers on your email list. If you made a mistake, they're not like, I've never seen her again.

Ximena 17:33

Totally, I, yes, I'm gonna push back that I don't buy, I don't agree with that statement at all. Like it doesn't. It's not about people in as a performer. And I'm just gonna take one minute to go on this tangent. As an artist, it's not about whether other people recognize your mistakes or not. It's about your own self satisfaction with your performance, whether you were able to communicate and perform at the level that you want it to perform, or like a painter, like my dad's a painter, and sometimes I'm sitting in front of him, and I'm like, it's done, the payment is done. And he's like, No, it's not. Who's to say he's the only one who can say that. He's the only one who can say, if his painting is at the level, and it says what he wants it to say. So it's not really about whether people recognize your mistakes, or if you'd like missed out or not in the artists artistic level. But I understand that this is different because this we're serving people, and we're giving them something, so it's more about them than it is about us. In a way.

Kate Kordsmeier 18:26

But even in that, I mean, I totally hear what you're saying. And I as a perfectionist myself, I am doing I want to be perfect for me, not for other people. So I totally resonate with that, too. And who are you to say that you know what's best or that you know, what's perfect. And you know, like, I have to challenge myself with this all the time. Who am I? Why don't just because I think this is the best way or I think this is done, or I think this is perfect. Like, all of it is so subjective. So even for your own self, it's like, is it is that really true? Can you ever really know that you got it perfect. And there's even things I've done in the past that I thought were perfect at the time. And then like you look back on them later, and it's like, oh, God, how did I ever think that was good?

Ximena 19:18

Yeah, I think it's more about being true to yourself in that moment. And what you wanted to do at that moment, not necessarily about perfection, but anyway, fair enough on that tangent? Yeah.

Rachel Silves 19:27

Okay, so I just thought I'd share just a couple of like, practical strategies then cuz I'm all about like, okay, great. So you can do the coaching in your mind and that's amazing, but like, what are some other practical things that you could do when you feel like you're stuck? So like, this is kind of specifically you know, stuck on something that you're working on for your business. So one and these are in like, no particular order, but Can I phone a friend for help is one thing that you practically started to do that you can take like, could you go into your accountability group and ask him there? Could you go into the Facebook group and ask him there? Could you sign up for office hours? Could you come to the coaching calls on either Tuesday or Thursday? And actually submit for a question? Like, are there people that you could access to support you in taking the next step? Or, you know, if you have a question like figuring out what to do, another thing that you could do is you could think about like, is there a resource in the portal that addresses this. So like, if you're stuck on your welcome series, your lead magnet or podcast pitching or your course or whatever? Could you go back and rewatch the lesson in the portal, I was just having a conversation with somebody the other day, I can't remember who it was offhand. But it's like, that's kind of the magic of a lot of the things inside the incubator is like, you go through a once and you get what you need from it, and then you revisit it later on. And you get something totally different, something else that you needed in that moment. And so oftentimes, you can go back through the lessons again, or the material again, and you can pick out and you can get something different than next time you go through it. And so that could be another strategy that you could do as well. And then this is a little bit facetious, but like, could you use your good old friend, Google and just like, type in like, what you're stuck on and get some suggestions from the internet and like, move forward with one of those that feels good, that could be another strategy. I literally do that all the time. And just like helping my brain unlock creative solutions, so that I can get unstuck, not saying I'm like following any of those solutions. But like when I'm, you know, just trying to get ideas as to how I can move forward, like using Google and the internet to help unlock that solution part of your brain can just help you get started. So those are some of the practical strategies that I have to offer for one you're stuck. And look, take a look at the chat. And if you have anything to add, Kate, you can go ahead.

Kate Kordsmeier 21:38

Yeah, I think I hope you guys got a lot of value out of this. I know even as the leader of the group, I got a lot of value out of it. And it's just a good reminder of how to handle it when we're feeling stuck. And remembering that feeling stuck is a choice. And it's a story that we're telling ourselves. It's an emotion. And something that I heard recently, actually, I've been training for a 10k on my treadmill. And it's been...I have never been a runner like before. Three months ago, I could not run one mile without needing to stop. And now I'm running like four and five miles at a time. And it's insane. So anyway, the person who's training me is this professional athlete training for the Olympics. She is a coach at in Flagstaff at whatever Arizona University is there. And she was talking about how mood follows action. And I was like, Oh my God, that's so true. Like we've said before, a lot of times action stops fear. And this is kind of that same thing, but slightly different. So if you're feeling stuck, and you can think of it as my mood is stuck, like you can, the only way to change your mood is to change your action. And so what can you do? What is one next step that you can take per rituals? Last question that and then knowing that that will change your mood and that you will be unstuck by just taking one next step. So that's it from me.

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