118, Part 2: Sneaky limiting beliefs examples + how to reframe negative thoughts to achieve success

Bront'e Singleton 0:00

Hey, this is Bront'é Singleton, current client and student of the incubator, the most amazing program that I've ever been in in my entire life. I just wanted to take a moment to share how amazing this program has been for me, my mindset, my business, my progress, and the wins that I've had since joining the program. So since joining the incubator, I've grown more confident in myself as a businesswoman, as a person. And in my expertise and my ability to run my business, I was recently able to launch my course for language learners, which is amazing. And it was a huge undertaking. And because of this, I was able to make two sales on my first launch of my course, within my business as a whole, I've been able to create a system for content creation, and streamlining that process in a way that works for me and my business. So I'm less stressed out about what to post when and how. And the biggest thing which I never thought I'd be doing in my first year of business is that I created and turned on my evergreen funnel. The Incubator has given me the tools to be able to focus my time and attention on the things that really move my business and help my business grow, but also take time to take care of myself, because if I'm not well, I don't have what I need, then I can't serve the people that I want to serve. So I 1,000% love the incubator program and I'm so glad so glad that I joined

Intro 1:20

you're listening to the Success with Soul podcast with Kate Kordsmeier, X journalist turned CEO of a multi six figure blog in online business. But it wasn't that long ago that Kate was a struggling entrepreneur who lacked confidence, clarity, and let's be honest money. But all those failures, experiments and lessons learned helped Kay create a thriving business that impacts 1000s and brings freedom, flexibility and fulfillment to her life. If you're ready to do the same and make something happen with holistic, soulful, step by step strategies from Kate and other experts, you're in the right place. Here's your host, writer, educator, mom, recovering perfectionist, bookworm and sushi connoisseur, Kate Kordsmeier.

Bront'e Singleton 2:08

Welcome back to the Success with Soul podcast. I'm your host, Kate Kordsmeier. And I am so stinking excited, because we're doing something a little different. Once again, we have just released a four part private podcast called inside the incubator. And we're going behind the scenes of the incubator to show you what it's really like inside our group coaching program, you're going to be able to listen to real clients get real coaching and support as they work through roadblocks and take inspired action in their businesses. It has been on my heart to share this with you because I know there are so many of you out there doing this alone. And I want to show you what it's like to have a team behind you. I remember the frustration of struggling by myself. I had no tools I had no one to talk to. And now no matter how difficult things may seem, I have a fellowship and a way of life that helps me cope. I no longer feel alone, and neither do the women in the incubator. All it takes is one coaching call to get you unstuck. That's what it's like to have a community that you can count on. So listen up and let's dive into today's episode. I just want to comment too on some stuff, conversations happening in the chat here of people feeling like time's going too fast. And it's so common. And it's like similar what we were saying before about money to where it's like we think it just like Oh, I'm making $0 and then next month I'm gonna make $20,000 And it's just like that very rarely happens. And I think a lot of it is really just having you guys do like a reframe around your mindset of how long certain things take what time is like, I know a lot of us are moms in here or running households as well and taking care of parents and other people in our lives and, and you just have a life too. So I think we had talked at the mastermind about thinking of that your experience in the incubator is being several years because getting your business up and running. And in a place where you don't feel like you need regular support, which I don't really know when that ever happens in your business. Every new phase has its own new set of challenges and things but if you find a place, and maybe it's not the incubator, but if it is the incubator, where you find a place where you feel like you're getting the support you need and you're getting questions answered, and you have a community and you have access to people that you trust, you know, it's not going to be a one and done thing like I didn't really expect when I joined programs unless I'm like going in to learn one very specific thing, right and like, Okay, I'm going to learn how to do VIP days and then I'm going to do them and leave and like I don't really need that much after that. The incubator is that like holistic program that's like for every phase of Business at every different stage and challenge and celebration and milestone, so don't beat yourselves up. If you're like, Oh, I'm not going to be like what's your in your head say it out loud to yourself like What do you say I'm not going to be at x when my time comes up, and it's like, okay, you're not going to be, keep going, like, keep doing it anyway, because you're going to get there eventually. And if you keep like, I think it's that self fulfilling prophecy where if you keep telling yourself, you don't have enough time, you don't have enough time, then you're not gonna have enough time like, then that is what is going to become true. Whereas if you tell yourself, I have all the time in the world, I'm not in a rush, I'm enjoying the journey, and I have everything that I need, then you're going to have everything that you need. And I

Rachel Silves 5:31

just want to echo something I think Molly put in the chat was that I think she said she went 3.5 years before she really started seeing like, some regular months. Now, that's not everybody's story, that there's different timeframes for everybody. But that just kind of puts in perspective a little bit on like, the journey takes different amounts of time for different people. And you're exactly where you need to be for right now in the phase of life that you're in. And life is gonna be messy all the time. Like, is there ever a time of life that's not messy, for some reason, with kids, or vacations or travel or sicknesses or pandemic or fill in the blank, like your business is going to operate in spite, and the holy because of all of those things. And so I think just being careful about the thoughts that are coming into your mind, the thoughts, create emotions, create feelings, create actions, create results. So we want to make sure that we're in brand has given me a head nod in the chat and St. Jean and to if you have anything to add, feel free to unmute, let me know. But start paying attention to those thoughts. Because they do fuel the train going down to your actions, just start paying attention to those thoughts that you're having, and the feelings that they create. Because like Kate said, if you start having the thoughts of like, there's not enough time, I'm so far behind, I'm never gonna make any money, then those are the things that are feeling your emotions and your feelings and your actions and your results. So that's kind of a side note. And we can definitely go more into this at a later call if people feel like this is helpful for them. But anyway, I can't do anything else to add. Yeah, no,

Bront'e Singleton 6:54

I just I really would encourage anybody to unmute and share more about what they're feeling here so that we can try to coach you through it and support you through it. Because it sounds like I saw four or five people in the chat saying, Me too. Me too. So let's talk about it. I was talking to Molly a little bit earlier. And she was saying like that she just gave herself permission she was moving. It was just like I'm not gonna make it to the incubator calls and I'm kind of like giving up a month here but like that's just like, that's just what happens I'm just giving myself permission to do be where I need to be and know that I will pick back up and I feel like that thought allowed her to really be present in where she needed to be and then not be beating herself up and then coming back and then having this like desperate grasp the energy.

Molly Cahill 7:40

I think one thing that finally dawned on me and it took a really long time, so just let me know if this resonates is like, like, oh, like have you heard about like I had a really good module. Oh, what does she know that? I don't know. I don't know anything you don't know. It's just time. Like, nobody has. Like, I used to think oh, what's Kate secret? What just so y'all know I like brick and idolized Kate for years before I met her like just thought like putting nails like oh, she's a regular person like

Bront'e Singleton 8:05

that thing is I haven't given up that's literally

Molly Cahill 8:09

like Amy Porterfield feels she's been in business for like, what, like 15 years or something? Something like that. Anyway, like, nobody has a secret. There's no secret is just

Bront'e Singleton 8:20

Shanna. Shona. Janeane I see you're unmuted. Yeah,

Janeanne 8:25

no, I just feel like, there's definitely like, periods in my life where I'm like, totally fine. That, you know, I only work like a couple hours a day, you know, like, a couple of weeks. And then there's times like right now where I'm just like, it's probably because July is like, super crazy. And so I'm thinking about, like, the future that I like, I just start spiraling. And so now I'm in that spot where I'm like, Whoa, hold up, I have to stop. I have to stop myself from styling, because I know I'm going to be way busy. And then give myself grace. And that's the hardest thing because I feel like I go through times where I'm like, Yep, I have all the grace in the world. And then I like do like a pen demo, like a pair of whatever, like, thank you to the opposite side where I'm like, I have no time and I have to do it now. And I'm like, Oh, why do I have to do it now? Like, that's what I've been asking myself these past couple days. I'm like, really? Like, there's no finish line that you know, I'm going to get to that's gonna like say, Yeah, this is success. Like, there is but I mean,

Bront'e Singleton 9:28

there is there is there is maybe the next goalposts that you're great. Yeah. I met my goal. Now I'm gonna set a new goal. Like we're probably gonna spend less than one minute even acknowledging that you met that goal before we move on to the next one, you know? Yeah, exactly.

Indira 9:45

Hey, y'all, I wanted to just quickly pop in and interrupt to let you know some exciting news for the first Time in 2023. The incubator mastermind will be reopening for enrollment, and we're rewarding those that take action and join the waitlist. By signing up for the waitlist, you'll get access to exclusive bonuses, including an invitation only bonus training with Kate $500 off the incubator enrollment and opportunity to enroll in the incubator during our pre enrollment period. If you're ready to take your business to the next level, ready for accountability to achieve your goals, and ready to join a community of women taking inspired action, then join the waitlist today, there's no risk or obligation to sign up for the waitlist, so you have nothing to lose by taking advantage of this opportunity. Sign up for the waitlist now at Kate kordsmeier.com/exclusive. That's Kate kordsmeier.com/exclusive.

Janeanne 11:04

I just feel like I've just found myself like right now just spiraling because of thinking about the future, you know, and so I feel like, I'm really working on my mindset I've just been like, and my husband will even say he's like, you don't need to do it for the money like you like doing this, like just do it for you. And when it happens, it will happen. And I'm like, why can I think that about all the time.

Bront'e Singleton 11:28

That's like how they're saying these permission slips in the chat, which I absolutely love. And that's exactly like you can write yourself an actual permission slip, or even have your husband write it for you that says like, you don't need to do this by certain date. You don't need to make a certain amount of money by a certain time in order to be worthy, valuable, successful, whatever the thing that you're worried you're not going to be is. And maybe it's even like, you might be worried of like, oh my gosh, well, sure. I'd love to stay in the incubator, but it's expensive to be in the incubator. And if I'm not making money, how am I going to pay to stay in the incubator, which is a totally valid thought. So what if you wrote yourself a permission slip that just says, I have permission to keep spending money? Like on my personal and business development? And maybe you don't have like, you don't even technically have it right now. But what if that thought fueled your business so that when it did come time to renew, or whatever, that you were like, already in that place? It's like, Oh, I've already done I've already done it, because I gave myself permission to say, it costs money to run a business, it costs money to create something out of nothing. So I don't mean to make this like a sales pitch for the incubator. ekonomi, whatever your thing is, I just saw the like renewal questions in there. And so I'm just trying to help you think about renewals and stuff like that,

Janeanne 12:51

ya know, and that's really awesome. giving permission slips. That's awesome. I love that idea. Like that resonated so well. Like, as soon as you're talking about that, like, weight lifted off my shoulder, just like yeah, I feel like I love what you teach it here. Because it's like, really believe it like, I have felt like, I have believed you know that. Yeah, I can give myself grace, and I can spend money on my business. But then when it gets to it, it's just like, Wait, do I really believe that? Am I going to follow through on that like belief? Or is that just kind of like, you know, me saying it. And so that kind of just made me think of like, what do I really believe? Like, do I really believe in myself? You know, yeah, that's kind of

Bront'e Singleton 13:34

thing that I did was one of my coaches really recently, actually, that's called, like, the belief ladder or something like that. And essentially, you have like, what's your current belief right now, which is like, I don't have enough time, I'm not making enough money, I can't do this or something to that effect, right? And then what do you want to believe instead? And then we're gonna put that like, up here, five steps above. And maybe what you want to believe instead is, I have all the money and time in the world. I can do whatever I want. But you're like, okay, yeah, but I'm not going from believing this thing to believe in that thing. Like, that's way too big of a leap. And I don't actually believe it, no matter like, that's kind of the affirmation piece, where it's like, we can try these affirmations on and keep repeating them. But if we truly don't believe them, we're never actually going to get from there to there, right. But instead, you can do this kind of belief ladder. So like, what's one thought that's one step better than the thought you're currently having now about not having enough time and money and whatever. And so we can even do it? Like, what's one thought that's like, slightly less stressful for you to have from that one?

Janeanne 14:38

I have a couple of hours each week on my business,

Bront'e Singleton 14:42

okay. I love that. I have a couple hours each week to work on my business. And then if that were true, what's one step above that? That, you know, gets you to the next part, like maybe it's my husband supports me financially or I don't know something. I don't want to speak for you.

Janeanne 15:00

Oh, now I think, you know, working a couple of hours a week will give me that habit of consistency and showing up.

Bront'e Singleton 15:10

And maybe the belief is, if I keep showing up, I will keep creating more time and money. Yeah, I like that. So we, you know, we don't have to keep going all the way. But you can do it, like, however many steps that you need to get to the next one. And then just kind of start practicing like the next level up from where you are, until that feels like yeah, 100% believe that's true. So now let me do the next one. And it just can help you get from, you know, one place to the next without feeling like you're faking it.

Janeanne 15:43

No, I love that. We're gonna do that after the call.

Rachel Silves 15:48

All right, awesome. We'll do it after the call Jean and post it in the Facebook group or send me and Kate an email a privately about it, if you don't want to put it in the group so that we can just like some added accountabilities of you don't or share that you did it, whatever, you don't have to share the whole thing. But if you'd like to, we'd love to

Bront'e Singleton 16:06

definitely anybody else to if you want to, we can start a permission slip thread or something in the Facebook group of What's everyone's permission slip for the neck next week or for July, July is a crazy month, like, it's gonna go so super fast. So just everyone can give yourself permission to go. July is not going to be what I expect it to be like July is I'm not going to work as much as I thought I was going to work in July,

Rachel Silves 16:31

I give you all permission to go on vacation in July and take a little break from from your business if you'd like not just

Bront'e Singleton 16:39

something. Yeah, of course. One, I'mjust glad that I finally get some of these calls. Yay. One thing that I've been testing out or trying out for myself recently is putting myself in the mindset of what I would walk my clients and my students through, because indicate you kind of said this already, like taking breaks, because that's what you advocate for. And both for my business and for my language learning, I recently restarted my like, study plan. And I found myself going, Oh, I don't have enough time to study and I'm not doing the things that I'm trying to tell my clients to do. And then I was like, but no, you're advocating for five minutes in the day, then you can make a little bit of progress. And so I had that mindset for my language studies, I did that for my business, so that I can like keep your like you were saying live, sort of the experience that I'm trying to help other people at work.

It's so true. It's like being a product of your product, or like just being that living, breathing proof that what you're offering people is possible. And you know, because you're doing it. And I do think it mean, it's hard in the early stage. Like I know, we've had clients in the past where it's like, they're trying to sell a course that teach us something that they have not yet done themselves. And I'm always like, Oh, I really don't love that, can we start somewhere a little bit smaller, something that you have done and work our way up to that? Because I think it's really hard. Like sometimes when it's like, oh, I didn't make any sales, it must have been that my funnel didn't have the right number of emails, or we're looking for something really tangible. And a lot of times it's like, it was probably your lack of belief in what you were selling because you didn't truly believe it because you weren't doing it yourself. You know, so I love that you caught yourself in that which we all do. But and then Mike could say, Okay, I need to get back to what I teach and walk that talk. And then I'm sure then things started happening. Thanks for sharing garante

Rachel Silves 18:39

Yeah, I think that's such a good point Bronte in a minute, permission slip, you're not going to work as much as you thought you would during maternity leave, like, good job, that's great. You're all even put it in the chat earlier. Like you are raising a literal baby that depends on you for life. Like that's your full time job right now. And that's okay. It's gonna be a season of life that you're in. But yeah, Bronte. Going back to what you said, I just when I was coaching, like in my own business, I was always thinking like, How can I be my best client, if I'm not doing the things that I'm telling my clients to do? Then that lack of certainty, and lack of confidence is going to come out all throughout the process? So Janeane, if that resonates you, that could be a good thing for you to try as, like, what would you say if a mom came to you and said, like, I'm so overwhelmed by my motherhood right now. I'm so overwhelmed. I don't know what to do. Well think about what you might say to that person. And then say those things to yourself. Like we're the hardest critic on ourselves for some reason. So that's just my two cents around that. And then I think someone said it before in this group. But the other way to think about it, if you don't want to think about it in terms of your clients is you can like think about what you would say to your child or to a child that came up to you and said, like, ah, like, I'm having a really hard time. I'm not good at this. Like, would you tell them to give up like, hell no, you would reframe it for them. You'd help them reframe it, you'd help them see the positives. You'd help them work through it, but like for some reason, we have a hard time doing that with ourselves. So anyway, are we complete on this desk? Question number. Is there any more that we want to add? We're Welcome to continue this kit. You're still with me. Did you have something else to add?

Kate Kordsmeier 20:06

No, I'm good. I hope you've been inspired by this episode and feel ready to take action on your dreams and goals. If so, please hit subscribe. This makes it possible for me to continue to provide free helpful content and bring you amazing guests. Just go to iTunes or wherever you listen to podcasts and subscribe so that you know when we released a new episode, and you never miss a thing. Plus, we often put timely opportunities in our shows, so if you don't subscribe, you might miss something valuable

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