037: How to Manifest Your Dream Life with Elyse Santilli

Kate Kordsmeier 0:00

Happy Holidays, y'all. It's Episode 37 of the Success with Soul podcast and I'm your host Kate Kordsmeier. With the new year upon us and so many of us, I'm sure being ready to say goodbye to 2020 I thought it was the perfect opportunity to bring in a life coach and help us get into alignment for this new year. So today I'm chatting with Elyse Santilli. She is an Award nominated life coach, writer and host of the wake up and manifest podcast. And she has so many golden nuggets to share on today's episode. I feel like it is the perfect way to finish out 2020 and really get into the right mindset for 2021. This could be the year that you manifest your dream life. And Elyse and I are going to walk you through it right now. Let's go. You're listening to the Success with Soul podcast with Kate Kordsmeier ex journalists turned CEO of a multi six figure blog and online business. But it wasn't that long ago that Kate was a struggling entrepreneur who lacked confidence, clarity, and let's be honest money. But all those failures, experiments and lessons learned helped Kate create a thriving business that impacts 1000s and brings freedom, flexibility and fulfillment to her life. If you're ready to do the same and make something happen with holistic, soulful, step by step strategies from Kate and other experts, you're in the right place. here's your host, writer, educator, Mom, recovering perfectionist, bookworm and sushi connoisseur, Kate Kordsmeier. Welcome, Elyse, I'm so glad to have you on the show today.

Elyse Santilli 1:49

Thank you for having me. Kate.

Kate Kordsmeier 1:51

Yeah, thanks for being here. Happy almost Christmas. And I hope that you are having enjoy, you know, enjoying the holidays. Tell me with all of the new year on the horizon. And I'm sure a lot of people are very glad to say goodbye to 2020. Hopefully 2021 has some good things in store for us. How are you feeling?

Elyse Santilli 2:17

Look, I think 2020 has been a year that has, you know, been a reckoning for a lot of us, I know that I shed a lot in 2020. And also even deepen into my sense of who I am and what I'm here to do. And I feel you on the other side of that excited and inspired to keep on doing my thing and alignment.

Kate Kordsmeier 2:44

Yeah, love it. So tell us what's your elevator pitch? If you're at a dinner party, and somebody says what do you do?

Elyse Santilli 2:52

Yes, so I am a life coach, a qualified, Award Nominated, but yet award winning life coach, and I want women who they have a feeling they were born for more, they want to get into alignment with their soul essence, their soul blueprint, their purpose, and be supported by their, you know, desires and dreamiest life as they do that purpose or mission work. And the women I work with, they want to do it in a more feminine or aligned or intuitive way where there's not a rulebook, but they're more tuning into their soul guidance. And they're willing to do the inner work to actually become who they desire to be who they were born to be actually had this point that went viral, Jennifer Love Hewitt shadow, which is kind of crazy. And it kind of describes what I do in a sense, it went along the lines of she woke up one day and she felt something click inside. And she realized she was no longer available for thoughts, relationships, careers that would not in alignment with her highest truth. So she put on her crown and got to work. And I find that a lot of women who come to me, whether it's they're just looking to get to the next level, through that inner alignment, and external inspired action from that place, or whether they're totally kind of having their first awakening to who they really are. I give them the space to lead themselves through that and the tools to help empower them. Amazing.

Kate Kordsmeier 4:41

I love that so much. So how did you get into this work?

Elyse Santilli 4:46

So I used to be a lawyer funnily enough lawyer to life coach.

Kate Kordsmeier 4:51

Yeah, I love it.

Elyse Santilli 4:52

I had what you had your own awakening. Exactly. I had a good on painful life, like kind of good on paper, boyfriend and apartment and legal career. And I felt so hollow inside, I was like putting on a fake smile. But really, I was just my soul was screaming at me that this wasn't it. I often describe it as like it feels like wearing an itchy sweater. And when you find your true alignment, your actual soul essence and path, it feels like wearing a silk dress or like a soft t shirt or something. And so I started to simply ask, I guess you would call it the divine out divine spark, God consciousness, source, whatever you like to think of that, as I asked for guidance. And I received so much grace, like just a lot of synchronicity. That led me to a philosophy School, where I met a man who was in his 50s, he told me that he changed his life by locking himself in a room with these blank sheets of paper, and really writing down like, if anything was possible in all the different life areas, what would he want. And from that place, he actually discovered, you know more about who he came here to be. So I kind of took that on board and did that process. And again, like, from getting clear on Wow, if anything's possible, I wouldn't be a lawyer, I would do something that involves philosophy, helping people writing and freedom. And that was enough for my inner spirit to kind of guide me to discover, blogging, life coaching, funnily enough, you may not know this, I actually started my whole new career through a blog, I started blogging just for the passion of it, I just wanted to share all of these principles that had changed my life through my awakening. And my blog became quite popular. And I actually had people emailing me saying, like, Can you teach me Your ways, and I made my first online course in January 2015. And I sold 30 spaces, and I made 10,000 Australian dollars. And I got all these testimonials from people saying it changed their life. And I was like, Wow, it wasn't even about the money. It was like, wow, I can make a livelihood. Being my true self and giving my gifts and helping people. This is the most amazing thing I've ever discovered.

Kate Kordsmeier 7:40

That is so cool. And isn't that just the best feeling I feel? I was had a similar experience recently, where I well, recently, this is pre COVID. I was at an in person workshop and I, the question was posed, if you didn't have to work for money, what would you be doing? And I thought, what I'm doing, and like, that was such a cool feeling of just like, Oh, my gosh, this is it. Like, yeah, it's great that I can make money and I have bills, so I need to but i, this is what I would want to do, even if I wasn't so it sounds like that's what what this is for you as well.

Elyse Santilli 8:17

Yeah, that's so incredible. It's that feeling of being your authentic self. Which means that like, even though of course, we have intentions and visions and goals that even when you're not there yet, and there's challenges, and you have to deal with all your like limiting beliefs and fears. You go to bed each night feeling like you're fulfilled because even though you may not have reached your next goal, yet, you're being who you were designed to be. I feel like we all have this divine design. And there's something that makes the journey itself rewarding. It's like full effort is full victory when you're being true to yourself.

Kate Kordsmeier 9:01

Yeah, I love that. So if somebody comes to you, and they have these same feelings that used to have like, maybe my life looks great on paper, but I am empty and miserable. And they have no idea like where to start? What's the first thing that you do with them?

Elyse Santilli 9:20

Yeah, it would definitely be to do the external work of starting to map out maybe their dream life vision using some worksheets. I have that a very similar to, you know, just blank sheets of paper, where you write down the different areas of your life and start to go well, if I tapped into my deepest heart and truth, what would I want and then it would be to start to create a connection with the, in essence, so many of us because like we're not trained to connect to our Solar are hot out in awareness in school. And there's a lot of distractions these days. It's like social media and you know, the noise that the world. Often we're living in our head, our mind our circling thoughts, and we're actually disconnected from our heart, our treasure, our truth. So I would get them to do some sort of alignment of practice daily, whether it's a meditation in the morning, and then having a few pauses throughout the day where they get back into alignment, they get back. embodied embodiment means that instead of being on autopilot mode, you actually have an awareness of how do I feel right now? What's going on in my present moment awareness right now? What's my intuition saying right now. And from that place, you can actually take your power back to start to set intentions to start to change your belief systems to start to cultivate the frequency you want to live on to start to take the next right action. And from that place, you can like create so much change, and you'll, you'll live.

Kate Kordsmeier 11:11

Yeah, I think that's so such a good point. Because I know, like, sometimes my husband will say, and I'm like, if you could do anything, what would it be? Just like? I don't know, I don't know. I don't you know, I have some hobbies, I don't know that. That's what I want to do with my life. And I don't know how to get how to get connected that way. It's like we're so like you said, conditioned and trained to not be that way and to just keep up with the status quo. And it's, I think it's really difficult for people to, to access that part of themselves.

Elyse Santilli 11:46

Yeah, it's definitely a muscle it takes kiddo. Grace and practice and patience. I've been meditating for about eight years down, I'm not saying you have to be there. But just knowing that even just five minutes a day of starting to take a few deep breaths, and start to tune in to how you feel and your actual soul desires and your gifts and what you want to start to intend or what would you, you would prefer to believe about yourself in the world. what actually is your next aligned action? Like just taking that space, you can kind of build the muscle to learn how to live in that blue place more of the time.

Kate Kordsmeier 12:29

Yeah, I love the idea of thinking of it like a muscle, that's just something that's out of shape, and we just have to, you know, start the practice.

Elyse Santilli 12:40

Yeah, absolutely. And I also want to add, if people are feeling like, Oh, my gosh, the weight of the world is on my shoulders, I believe. And, you know, everyone take what they will from this, but I believe we have grace, like, I deeply believe that the divine spark within me is supporting me and co creating with me and the more I feel, I guess, you know, my worthiness of receiving guidance and grace as like a divine child of the universe. The more I live in that space, the more like, I can actually ask that part of me. Hey, what's my next step where I'm struggling with this limiting belief, or I don't have clarity here. And from asking that question and developing that relationship, I can't even tell you like 1000s of times, I've been led to, you know, the book falling off the shelf or receiving a crazy miracle, like being invited to an all expenses paid, female entrepreneur retreat in Florida, or just six synchronicity after synchronicity that is like, supporting me on my path. So just know that like, there's a higher part of you, that has access to more wisdom and answers, then, like our small human self, and knowing that means we know that like, we're co creating, and we're not in this alone.

Kate Kordsmeier 14:08

Yeah. Wow. That's really cool. I love that. So kind of brings us to, there's a lot of buzz words, kind of, I guess, that are being thrown around these days. And I'm curious your take on them. Like, how about let's talk about the law of attraction?

Elyse Santilli 14:26

Yes, so I, you know, I do personally use that word, but I guess I do have a podcast called wake up and manifest manifesting as a big part of what I teach. To me manifesting is about taking your inner soul visions and desires and creating them in reality, and there's kind of a spiritual energetic way to think about manifesting or the law of attraction. So this spiritual perspective is in some ways, As the poet Rumi said, the world is like a mountain, your equity depends on you. So as you start to raise your frequency, feel good from within, like self source, your sense of like abundance and gratitude, unworthiness as you start to like change your beliefs about who you are, and what's possible, as you start to take aligned action from that place, you can create a totally different experience in your outer reality. So it's like, understanding there's a connection between our inner world and our outer world. And then the more kind of like, if that's a little bit out there, or a bit of a bit too woo for you, the more practical way to think of it is our beliefs, create our actions, which obviously create our results. So really simple example for business owners or bloggers is, if you like, have the thought, it doesn't matter if I blog today or not, that's gonna make you feel I would guess, like despondent or unmotivated. And then your action is gonna be to not book and then your result is going to be your voice is not out there, and you're not in momentum. versus if you have the thought, or if you like, come up with a thought that genuinely moves you like affirmations only work, if they genuinely move you, you have a thought like, if one person reads my blog today, and it helps them it's worth it. Gosh, that makes me feel like writing a book right now like that might make you feel committed or inspired, or confident or even loving. And from that place, you're more likely to act as the woman you want to be as the person you want to be, you're more likely to actually sit down and write the blog, and create the results you want to see in your life. So even if like the spiritual energetic concept of like cause and effect, and our frequency is a bit, you know, out there, just understanding that we have so much power within ourselves to start to shape, what we want to create more of, in our experience.

Kate Kordsmeier 17:19

Yeah, I love that. I always say that. I'm like one part. Whoo, I don't have the full woowoo down. Yeah, but that it's like, I'm interested. I'm intrigued. I'm getting there. But I still like bringing it back to the practical and like, what does this actually mean in like a very concrete tangible way that I can understand. So I love that you brought it brought it back like that. And you keep using this phrase inspired action. So how do we know when we're taking inspired action versus our usual day to day actions?

Elyse Santilli 17:54

Yeah, I mean, I wouldn't overthink it too much, especially if people are new to this. But to me, it feels like when I work with my clients, so often we claim we don't know what to do, or we don't know how, but when we tune in, like to our like next. It's like an intuitive impulse. It's like, Oh, well. Actually, I keep having this niggling sense that I should launch a podcaster. I keep having this niggling sense that I should raise my prices. So even if you're totally new and you haven't discovered like your blogging or business dreams, I have this niggling sense that I should join this course or I have this niggling sense for me, I should go to this philosophy class, after I saw like a flyer or a poster on the side of the road. And and to me, it feels like it comes from your heart, your gut this like inner knowing rather than, like your logical mind, which weighs up the pros and cons and overthinks things things. And so a really simple way to kind of start to practices is if you have some sort of morning alignment practice where you know, you're meditating in the morning, I really like to journal. I really like to set intentions. From that space of kind of having a clear vision or clear intentions of what I want to co create while holding them open palmed and always know like it's this or something better from that place of meditating. So I'm kind of feeling a bit more grounded or connected or still or present. Simply ask, okay, what what is my next aligned action here and so often like, you'll get this sense of like, Oh, I really want to launch this new course or I really want to learn about feminine energy or even I want to have like a banana smoothie for breakfast today. You just even on a small scale of like, what to have for dinner or whether you want to go for a run or go to the gym or go to ballet like you can start to practice tuning into that. That Annoying feel like you're aligned to action? Well, no, they have perfectionist about it, I deeply believe we have grace. So like, even if you get it wrong, you can be redirected always, to, you know, I don't want to have people stress about it, but you can start to again, build that muscle.

Kate Kordsmeier 20:18

Yeah, I love the idea of practicing and something that's just like a really easy decision that sometimes it's it's basically just training yourself to get off autopilot. And instead of just like doing something without thinking, you stop and say, Well, what do I want for breakfast this morning? And then pause and be still for a second and see what comes up. And that the more you do that with these simple things that are you know, more or less meaningless, then when you're actually doing of, what do I want to do with my life, that you'll be a little bit more used to stopping and hearing what your inner self is telling?

Elyse Santilli 20:54

Yeah, that's so spot on. It's kind of like for women in blogging and business, often I'll have clients for like, there's a lot of, you know, really important and helpful strategy and advice out there. But sometimes you can be overwhelmed by it. And to know what is like, the path for you, again, being able to tune in? Well, if there's like, 50 ways to promote my blog, which one actually is lighting me up? Which one feels like me which one feels expansive, a really great example is, you know, I was at a crossroads where I was like, I want to start a YouTube or a podcast. Mm hmm. And I could have spent hours like researching the pros and cons. And there's a time and a place for that, of course, but I just tuned in, and it was so clear to me that podcast felt like yes, YouTube felt like a no. And so I trusted that. And my podcast has brought me the most amazing, like dream clients and opportunities I couldn't even predict. Versus like, YouTube just felt like a no, and I'm not saying there won't be fear. When you're taking a line to action. I'm often I'm very often nervous and have butterflies and scared. But you still feel like it's the right path for you. Whether it's moving cities or changing relationships, or enrolling in a course you just even if your heart's racing, you feel like it's the right step for you.

Kate Kordsmeier 22:24

Yeah. And, and that, if it's wrong, it's okay. If you had started the podcast, and then it wasn't going so well. And you started thinking maybe YouTube would have been better. It's just like a lesson right? That I think we always act like things are so permanent. And that, like what happens when we just start thinking of things as an experiment? And well, let's just try this I my guts telling me that the podcast is the way to go. And let's just see what happens.

Elyse Santilli 22:55

Yeah, if you can see every day, as a playground, this is so good for perfectionist to, instead of like, over obsessing about like, Oh, I have to post the like, perfect Instagram caption is like if every day is like this pleasurable, purposeful playground. Then it's your playground to like you said experiment in and you post the thing and see if you felt good about it, see if it helps someone. And if you keep doing that, I can't tell you how many times like just being willing to do something. And then afterwards assess like, did that work? Did that not work? What did I gain from that has enabled me to grow? I've launched probably 12 or 14 online courses now. And that's made me really like comfortable and confident at knowing how to do that. Because my like, mistakes along the way have like given me skill and discernment and confidence.

Kate Kordsmeier 24:01

Yeah, exactly. And I totally agree. I think action stops fear. And action is really the only way to get clarity because we could overthink things and guess at what might happen or what might not happen if we do or don't do something but we'll never know for sure until we just do it. And I'm a perfectionist, recovering perfectionist and, you know, I struggle with this too. But a lot of times what I come back to is asking myself like, what's the worst case scenario? And is it really that bad? Because oftentimes, it's really like no big deal.

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This question came up the other day, I was talking with my financial coach, and I was having this issue. And I was like, I'm not sure what to do. And, you know, I think I'm just afraid. And she said, What are you afraid of? And I said, What if it doesn't work out? And she said, What if it does? And it was just like, so simple, but so powerful? Like, Oh, my gosh, yeah, what if it does work out? That reward is so much greater than the risk of what if it doesn't? And now I keep telling myself that ever since like, every time like, Oh, I'm not sure if I should do something, what if it doesn't work out? What if it does?

Elyse Santilli 26:02

Yeah, that's so genius. It's like, sometimes often, we realize that, like, the worst case scenario is like, that will be just back where we are now anyways, so we, like move forward. And I think when you start to, I mean, I feel like entrepreneurship and business brings up a lot of like, your inner stuff that you haven't dealt with. But when you start to do that, and you start to grow, like, I'm the source of my worthiness of my happiness, even my sense of abundance comes from me. So I've got nothing to lose, like, I work with a lot of females who, who feel like, if I do it wrong, or if I fail, like it means something about me. But when you learned the art of like, self sourcing, your sense of happiness and worthiness and abundance and joy and presence, which is partly like doing things that make you feel good, and allowing yourself more presence and pleasure, and it's partly healing your inner child wounds and allowing yourself to feel your emotions more and doing that like deep inner work, then from that place of like, rediscovering your divine wholeness, you, you can kind of take more risks and be vulnerable, and be authentic, and be bold, and put yourself out there. Because you have that, like, I think I'm not religious, but there's a Bible quote, like building your house on rocks versus sand. It's like you're building your house on rock, you've got that solid ground underneath you, which allows you to like self express more and take more messy action in the world.

Kate Kordsmeier 27:46

Well, I love the messy action idea. And one question I had for you. And this comes up a lot for me, because I think since I'm still relatively new to learning how to really tap into what my soul wants, and what am I actually feeling and getting into my body and out of my head, as a chronic over thinker over analyzer just super logical about everything. Sometimes what comes up for me is this question of, is this my intuition telling me this or is so let me give an example. Maybe this will be more helpful. Recently, I wanted to hire for this position on my team. And I put on I do this practice that I learned from Kate Northrup that's putting things on the universe's to do list. And so I just put on the to do list to bring me the perfect person for this position. And I sent out an email to a friend that said, Hey, do you know anybody who might be good for this? And she's like, Oh, my gosh, I do I have the perfect person for you. This woman emails me. And she comes into my life. She checks all the boxes of what I was looking for, even though I didn't tell my friend what I was looking for. I just said, Do you know anybody who might fit this role? And everything was just aligning, and it just felt so like, Oh my gosh, this is asking it is given. And, you know, this is what I wanted. And then we interviewed her. And I got off the phone. And I was like, everything was there. It was right. But I didn't have this like excitement or this feeling of just like I have to hire her right now. And I kept going back and forth with another woman on my team saying, Is this my intuition telling me it's not right? Or is this just fear creeping in that I'm going What if it doesn't work out? Or you know, something like that? How do you know the difference?

Elyse Santilli 29:43

Well, can I ask you like, what did you end up deciding or like was there are a part of you that just knew even though you couldn't explain it, you just knew.

Kate Kordsmeier 29:54

Well, what I ended up deciding was that it was fear. And I went down the path of what is it does work out? And so I'm going to offer her the position. And she actually declined it. And so then I think it was I talked to my financial coach who's the one who I was saying, What if it doesn't work out? What if it doesn't work out? And she said, You know, when we were talking about this, I felt like she was brought to you for clarity that you weren't really sure what it was that you wanted. And then she came in she you thought it was this, and then you know, you just you really got the clarity around what you're looking for. She's like, I just had this feeling that it wasn't going to work out, regardless of whether you offered it to her or not. And so when she said, I'm like, Yeah, I think that is true, because I did really learn a lot more about what I'm looking for. And yeah, but I still am. I'm still in like, well, was it not? Right? I don't know. It's tough. Yeah.

Elyse Santilli 30:55

I mean, it again, like it does take practice. But I would say like, based on what you said, like there was a part of you that was like, I can't explain this, but it doesn't feel like yes, but the good news is, it's like, it's always a blessing or a lesson. So I that's why I always believe it's a little something better. Because sometimes, you know, someone like that comes into alive because they're in alignment, and it's a match, and you're going to do awesome things together. And sometimes they come into your life, exactly like, you know, you said for that clarity, because it helps you actually discern what you truly want. Or it helps you kind of learn something you need to learn to get into alignment with the outcome that you want. I can't even tell you the amount of times where things have seemingly not gone to plan for me. But it's actually been part of things going to plan for me. A really simple recent example is I booked a holiday to Queensland, a different state in Australia, just because I'm a Sagittarius, I love to travel, I needed to get a body, given like my international plans have been postponed this year. And two days before I was due to leave, they announced they were closing the border. And so it looked like I couldn't go. But because this is like, I've kind of learned now that things are always working out for me. I had the I made pace that if I didn't get to good, that's fine. Like I will, you know, move through that. And somehow it would serve me. But I know that somehow things kind of could in miraculous ways, even if they're not the hell that you had in mind. And so as it turned out, I was able to rearrange things to go two days earlier to get in like hours before they shut the border. And all it meant was I got like a longer holiday and so and then on the way home actually another funny synchronicity or miracle, they canceled the flight home because there was no reason for like people to want to leave the state now that the border was shut. And again, synchronicity I just trusted Well, this is gonna work out so I'm not going to stress about it. I was rebooked and the last seat that they had left was the business class seat. So I actually got an upgrade. And things like that happen when you start to like adopt this attitude. Like you were saying it's kind of either this is an alignment or I'll learn from it. And over time you do develop that like ability to kind of trust that in annoying but like even if you're not there yet, you can kind of still know that. You know, again, Grace. It's this is something that up, you can get work done.

Kate Kordsmeier 33:50

Yeah, that's so true. And, and going back to my example, I didn't feel like oh, I knew it wasn't right. I shouldn't have offered it to her. I feel like it was a good lesson to me and that I made the offer. It didn't work out but I learned something from it. And you know, on top of that, just that even if she had accepted the offer and it hadn't been right that that would have been okay to that. Nothing is so irreparable or permanent that we can't just say okay, that didn't work. And now next time maybe I'll know to trust my gut more when it when it wasn't like a hell yes. I should have said okay, no, I'm not going to do it. If it's if I don't feel super, super confident about it.

Elyse Santilli 34:33

Yeah, exactly.

Kate Kordsmeier 34:36

So what do you see with your clients that holds entrepreneurs back the most?

Elyse Santilli 34:43

Uh, definitely, the mindset and the energetic side of things. So that's kind of my specialty like I I love, you know, strategy and the experts out there who teach it. It's just not my like, strong sweet. I I helped People with the inner work and then they are led by their soul to the strategy that's right for them. So, like I work with a lot of women who have like, the very typical beliefs that a lot of us are programmed with, like, it's wrong to make money, or I don't have any value, or it matters what other people think of me. And when we can start to do the mindset and emotional work to rewire that, they start to just naturally show up differently. And they start to magnetize differently like that, that synchronicity, and those miracles start to happen. It doesn't mean we don't take action, but there's like that crew creation, kind of magic that starts to occur. So by the mindset and the energetic side of things, I mean, like, the mindset is kind of what was speaking about before actually looking at, what are my thoughts here that are holding me back? Wow, I really do feel like, you know, I'm not good enough to be a life coach, or I care what like, my uncle thinks of my blog post. And then I use journaling, I have a journal and I actually go, Well, what would I rather believe here and actually create a new belief that feels motivating or, or uplifting or energizing to me and I start to, to practice that daily, I start to on purpose, think that thought to kind of rewire my my belief system around that. And then the energetic side of things is kind of doing the work to process the emotions inside of you that that inner child that might feel like unworthy or not good enough. And that's really like a process of learning to, to feel your feelings and let yourself cry and let yourself move through things that maybe, you know, happened to you as a child and you haven't actually processed so they still hanging around in your energetic system. And then the second stage of that is actually starting to align with, okay, if I was already, like, you know, a entrepreneur who was making an impact, if I already knew my value, if I was already a fully booked coach, if I was already, like, you know, having these amazing interactions with clients, if I was already abundant, like, how would I feel, who would I be and starting to, like normalize that start to think of yourself as that identity start to like, it's like, you can practice that identity and that frequency and still it until it becomes your kind of default state.

Kate Kordsmeier 37:42

I love that so much. And it's funny, my husband and I were just having this conversation the other day, talking about, if you want to start your business, do you want to launch your blog, I'm trying to think of it as an example that doesn't make me cringe. I feel like people always use weight loss examples. Like I don't want to go. If you're ready to launch your blog, instead of saying like, okay, so I'm going to write a blog post every single day, like, that's the habit that's going to get you into it, that makes it so easy like to, quote unquote, fail at it. But instead of you start adapting this mindset of this identity of, no, I'm already a successful blogger. So what would a successful blogger do in this situation? How would they behave? And what are the actions that they would take? and focusing more on that identity then on like, the, you know, I think again, the weight stuff comes in or like fitness goals and things because you think like, I'm going to work out every day or something like that. And it's like, that's so easy to just drop off. If you don't really believe that. That's who you are. What would a healthy person do? What would a successful business owner do? And I think that's so smart. And it's so like, nobody talks about it that way. It's always just like, doo doo doo doo.

Elyse Santilli 39:04

Yeah, I think it matters so much more who you're being than what you do. Because who you're being a sense, like a ripple effect out to the universe. I truly believe that people can just energetically pick up on when you believe in yourself or when you do, and then who you're being just organically naturally leads to the right action. A great example of this that is that a weightless example. Thank you, when I was training to be a life coach, and so I kind of was working as a lawyer and built my business as like a side hustle. And I remember at first like, I wasn't really owning the fact that I was becoming or that I was a life coach, like people would talk to me at parties or dinner parties and asked me about oh my gosh, like, Can I work with you? Where's your business card and I would almost like shy away from like, you know, owning that or helping them. And I decided that I need to start to practice. Like, what would it feel like to be the version of me who is a powerful loving life coach and who like, cares about and knows that she can change lives and, and I started to like, everywhere I went if someone like, introduced themselves to me and they asked what I did, even though I was technically a lawyer, I would start to say, I'm a life coach, I started to journal each day, I designed my own days, I traveled the world, I'm a life coach, I started to like, if I sign up at a yoga studio, and they asked for your occupation, I would write life coach. And it was almost like I was kind of like, conditioning myself into normalizing it, until I got to the point where I could comfortably own that identity. And from there, it's not that like, again, you don't need strategy, or that there's not fear. But like, the action is so much easier, when you are like owning the identity of that business woman or that entrepreneur or like, for me, it's about being a lightworker. And about being someone who's like heart centered and mission driven when you own that. It's like, of course, you want to post today, of course, you want to like give your gifts today, of course you want to tell someone about your cause today, because like you're in alignment with that, that's really, one way to think about alignment. alignment, to me means two things that alignment means being in alignment with your core soul frequency, like feeling good and kind of, even when you're not feeling good feeling connected to your soul, like feeling like your true authentic self, your soul essence, your divine spark, having that like awareness. And alignment, to me also means being in alignment with what you want to create. And if what you want to create is a coaching business or a blog or, you know, entrepreneurship. Well, are your like, beliefs, feelings and actions in alignment with that result? And if not, you kind of have to start, like with love and grace, like tuning yourself into being in a straight line with that, with that vision with that desired outcome. Yeah.

Kate Kordsmeier 42:30

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Do you feel like this is the same as the kind of idea of fake it till you make it? Because I feel like there's a difference. But I can't quite articulate it.

Elyse Santilli 43:57

Yeah, I mean, there's probably a subtle difference because faking it is still implying that you don't deep down believe that you're good enough or that you're worthy. And I think of it more as like, true embodiment. And identity work is like doing what you need to do to truly know like, deep down that even though you're scared you awkward enough, and even though you're like not sure exactly how it's gonna work, you're drawn to this. And so there's this like, deep down sense of like, alignment and faith and this is what I'm called to do, and I have value, even on the like, surface level, you're scared and anxious and a bit timid or whatever, versus faking it till you make it is like it's like, you don't you're just like pretending to believe in yourself. But deep down don't and I don't think that works long term because again, I believe people can feel your energy. I mean a simple example of this is When you walk into a room, like a conference or a party, you can sense if someone like, has a sense of like self respect and self esteem before they even say a word you can sense if someone is like slimy and like snake oil salesmen Oh, like hot scented, and truly like believes in that value, we can just energetically or subconsciously pick up on these things.

Kate Kordsmeier 45:27

I totally agree. Totally agree. So one of the things you mentioned that you did, I love this so much I can relate on so many levels. That took me a long time to feel confident saying I'm a blogger, I was a journalist before and a blogger, I'm sure it was kind of a similar transition for you being a lawyer, something that people understood, they respected, they knew what it meant. And then a life coach is something that people are like, what does that and, you know, has similar maybe connotations as bloggers. And anyway, I can relate to that feeling a lot. But you kind of had these affirmations almost that you were telling yourself, I'm not sure of affirmation is quite the right word. But saying, I am a life coach, I, you know, this is what my life looks like, I do these things. So do you feel like affirmations work?

Elyse Santilli 46:18

I mean, they, they get a mixed review. I think they work for certain people. I mean, like with any of this stuff in the personal development world, we've got to not give our power away to it, we've got to realize, like, they're all different tools and permission slips for us to just get into alignment with our truth and our worthiness and our confidence and our purpose. And so, if affirmations work for you, and they definitely work for me, then absolutely utilize them. Again, the key is, they have to make you feel good, you have to believe them. And I think this is where people get confused because they try and affirm something that is way too far outside of their current belief system. So it just feels like an energetic No, in this system. Like if someone tries to affirm, I'm a millionaire. And they just like, that'll never happen. It's too far of a leap or, you know, if someone's trying is like entering the dating world, and they're trying to affirm I'm this like, prize worthy goddess, but they really don't feel that way internally, it's too big of a leap. So instead, you can kind of find like, I guess you would call it a bridging thought, like an affirmation that gets you closer into alignment into into faith into positive expectation that even though you don't know how yet, somehow you're going to create this, like vision, this desire this outcome or something better. And practice that. So I practice kind of my affirmations in two ways. I like to journal them. So sometimes I'll just like sit and I'll open my journal, and I'll just journal kind of, I am, you know, a world class life coach, I attract dream clients who have fun to work with and get amazing results. I love what I do. I'm so blessed and worthy. I'm so grateful. I'm you know, connected to like, God, source universe, divine. I'm here for a reason, things like that. And they could be money, affirmations, it could be anything. And then I also personally love using apps like the you there's several apps, but I like an app called think up, think up lets you like enter your affirmations and record them in your own voice. And that means you can just listen to them if you're in a bar, or if you're going for a walk. So it doesn't even add to your schedule. You can just like put them kind of on in the background as you do your things.

Kate Kordsmeier 48:54

Yeah, this is so smart. And it makes me so I have a story about my birth with my two kids. And I had a kind of traumatic first birth and when I got pregnant with my second, a lot of that fear came up and I really it was like, Oh, I don't I don't want to have you know, have a baby again. Like I don't want. I wanted the baby. I didn't want the childbirth part. So I did some hypnotherapy, which was really powerful. But one of the things that I did that I think made the biggest difference is my friend who is a chiropractor. She sent me these birth affirmation cards, and they didn't say your birth is going to be pain, painless. Your birth you know, things that it was like, like you said it's too big of a leap. I couldn't just start believing these things. But instead they said things like, your body knows exactly how to bring your baby into the world just doesn't know how to, like grow your baby. I didn't have to do anything right and then you know, like Then, of course, now, I can't remember some of the great ones, but they were sort of these things that got me into what you're saying, like into the faith that I could have a positive birth experience didn't mean it was going to be perfect or painless, or, you know, everything was going to go. Just like seamlessly, of course not. But it got me into this mindset of like, this is gonna be good. And the only thing I have to do is relax. And I really started believing that I had these cards up all over my house for the last two months of my pregnancy. And then lo and behold, my daughter came in three hours start to finish. And it was like the most beautiful, shocking, but beautiful experience. And I really am like, I feel like I manifested that by just being in this energy of this is going to be a positive experience.

Elyse Santilli 50:55

Wow, that's so powerful. I mean, that that is the most beautiful example. And it was the fact that like you said, the affirmations weren't like, wildly unbelievable. It was they were aligned or realistic enough that they actually changed your state of being they changed your emotions or your frequency. And it's actually this is where I think people again, get stuck with manifesting, we don't kind of intend and create based on what we think alone. It's actually what we like, feel. And now our sense of like, I call it our frequency, it's like actually feeling, you know, safe and peaceful and grounded, or abundant, or worthy. It's the feeling that creates the magnetism and it creates the auction.

Kate Kordsmeier 51:50

Yeah, so good. Oh, this has been such a good conversation. I'm so grateful for your time. And before, before we let you go, we have kind of this lightning round that we do, at the end, have some quick, quick, rapid fire questions. So I want to get to those What is your favorite way to make time for self care? Whoo, this

Elyse Santilli 52:12

is a good one. I think it's two things, if I may, it's like, on a daily basis, I have like a morning practice, even if I only have 10 minutes, not going out into the world until I've connected to me select five minute breathing meditation and reading a few mantras. And then throughout the day, pausing and getting embodied, again, pausing and going, whoa, I'm way up in my head and my thoughts and my worries, who few deep breaths, because then you get your power back to like, be in the present moment where actually the joy and the juiciness of life is found. And then from there, you can actually go, oh, okay, I want to like intend things here, or change my beliefs or, or what's the aligned action, even like, a great example is, before I even get on any of my coaching calls, I set an intention. I'm like, I intend for this to be of the highest good, I intend to be present, I intend for them to get what they need. And it's that like, moment to moment, kind of personal power and alignment and awareness that can really like make you feel so much more sovereign and connected to yourself and powerful. And then the other kind of favorite thing of mine is making sure that like, you actually schedule in kind of something nice for yourself amongst like scheduling in the work because as entrepreneurs we can be so like, work focus that like if I schedule a blue dry on a Friday, even if I'm like working all week, I know that like I have that kind of little luxury to kind of look forward to.

Kate Kordsmeier 53:54

Yeah, it's funny that comes up so often. I think it's one of the most common answers when I asked this question is actually scheduling the self care, whatever it might be, and into your schedule. So there's something there people what is one tool or strategy that you use to help with time management?

Elyse Santilli 54:16

So this is gonna sound like a strange answer, but actually learning about I don't know if you've heard of Jane keys and Human Design. I know you had a podcast, I think it was on my upbringing. So it's not dissimilar to that gene keys and Human Design is just like another way to I always take these things with a grain of salt. I don't think they are like, you know, the be all and end all but I do feel like sometimes, learning more about how we operate and how we flew can help us like understand that some people are meant to have like a rigid schedule, and some people work better from like spontaneity and intuition. And so for me personally learning about my team keys and learning for me Like a big piece of my design is devotion. And so, for me, if I'm in a place of feeling devotion to my work and my purpose and my clients, that is my schedule, like yes, I kind of on Evernote have my to do list but like, if I don't have that sense of devotion to what I'm doing, I'm not going to be motivated, I'm going to procrastinate to devotion to me understanding that is in a weird way my like, time management or my like, motivational prompt to know that I'm doing things for the loving them for the passion of them and not just for the outcome.

Kate Kordsmeier 55:42

Hmm, so good. I've just gotten into human design this year, a little bit like I've dipped my toe in and we actually have a Human Design expert on the podcast, as well, which was really cool. So I'm curious, what is your What do they call it? Are you a manifesting generator?

Elyse Santilli 56:02

I'm a generator.

Kate Kordsmeier 56:05

Yeah.

Yeah. Okay, so cool. So, um, let's see, how about one of the most powerful mindset or entrepreneurial books could be that you've read this lately or ever?

Elyse Santilli 56:21

Okay, so, I really love it's kind of a book that I read as an audio program, manifesting change by Mike Dooley. He was like one of my original teachers. I mean, I read it like eight years ago now, manifesting change, but it kind of like I have to give him credit because even though I don't kind of fully him doubt, it introduced me to this whole concept of like, Oh, you can actually like create a vision and start taking messy action towards it and start like engaging the magic and the synchronicity and the grace of the Divine, which is something I'm so passionate about. And more recently, I really love Allison Armstrong, the author she teaches a lot about the difference between the masculine and the feminine and and understanding that personally, has been life changing for me in my life relationship and in my business, like understanding we we all have masculine and feminine energy, but understanding like, when to be in which one and like how to balance them so you thrive has been really powerful.

Kate Kordsmeier 57:30

Yeah, what was her name? Allison Armstrong. Armstrong, Okay, I'm gonna have to look her up. That sounds really fascinating. Yes, I think a lot of us, high achieving women have spent a lot of time in our masculine energy. And not to say that that's wrong, but that really reconnecting with our feminine energy can be so powerful.

Elyse Santilli 57:53

Yeah, exactly. I made I make it a practice as simple practices like expanding your capacity to receive because the feminine is receptive, she just receives from life just because she is like, she's just being herself. Whereas the masculine does, and gets and achieves. And like you said, as kind of entrepreneurs, we have to do a lot of masculine we have to do and get and go out there and like, you know, make the sale or create the course. So if if you pause when something nice is happening, like you're sitting on your chair, and the sun is shining through your window on your skin, you're having a cup of tea, and you can hear the birds, actually, like letting yourself receive in that moment and like feel how good that feels. And like feel worthy of it. You'll expand your feminine like ability to both like be in your body and your sensuality, but also your feminine capacity to like, feel worthy of receiving goodness from life.

Kate Kordsmeier 58:56

Yeah, so good. Okay, you mentioned that you have some mantras or affirmations that you use sometimes the daily What's one that you're telling yourself these days? Oh, gosh,

Elyse Santilli 59:08

I have like 1000s but one that might be relevant for the entrepreneurs is I balanced purpose and pleasure. I love this mentor I balanced purpose and pleasure because it just reminds me you know, if I am only focused on my purpose and my business, like, I I'm not in the most like Spock, we creative place as when I like let myself also kind of, you know, stay at a luxury hotel or buy flowers for my death. But at the same time, I've definitely noticed that when I used to many years ago, only be focused on my own, like best life and my own desires. There was something less fulfilling about that. As like, when each day I'm like, giving I'm giving my tips I'm giving my my generosity I'm giving my like service to the world. I just find that like, having that balance between self and others is a beautiful space to live.

Kate Kordsmeier 1:00:08

Hmm, yeah. Great. I feel like this whole episode has been about my last question. So if something you want to add, I always ask people at the end, what does Success with Soul mean to you? But again, I feel like talking about so if there's anything you want to add or end on, feel free.

Elyse Santilli 1:00:31

Yeah, I mean, we've kind of covered it. To me Success with Soul means, you know, a lot of us base our life on what other people whether it's our parents, or our family, or our friends, or even just like societal conditioned definitions of success, we kind of give that a lot of weight. And the thing is, no one knows your heart or your soul or your kind of authentic self like you do. So even if it doesn't make sense to other people, starting to move into a life into an embodiment into a space where you actually feel good about who you are, what you're doing. Even if it doesn't make sense. Even if you move into Mexico, or you're starting a blog, or whatever it is, and everyone around you doesn't understand it. That is success, being in alignment with who you were born to be and your soul desires and blueprint. That means kind of like we were saying before, that there's joy in the journey because like you're, you're successful, the moment you decide to be yourself and all of the actual success and blessings and results are just a bonus on top of that.

Kate Kordsmeier 1:01:45

Oh,

that's good. That's really good. I love it. At least where can people find you? I'm sure after listening to this, everybody's gonna want to book a call with you.

Elyse Santilli 1:01:58

Thank you. So you can find me at my website Elise until e.com or on Instagram again at Elyse until he or my podcast wake up and manifest. Okay,

Kate Kordsmeier 1:02:11

I love it. I'm just writing down there is joy in the journey because that is such a good reminder. Thank you for being here.

Elyse Santilli 1:02:18

My pleasure.

Kate Kordsmeier 1:02:24

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