117, Part 1: How the feelings + self-talk we choose can propel us forward or keep us stuck

Sabrina 0:00

Hi, my name is Sabrina Gephardt and I'm a member of Kate Kordsmeier as the incubator, I have loved being a part of this program and I want to share three of my favorite reasons why. So first and foremost is the community. Being surrounded by people who are going through the exact same thing has been absolutely incredible. The incubator is a group of women entrepreneurs, a lot of them are moms, some of us are in different seasons of life. And just understanding the struggles between work life balance, and balancing motherhood and balancing a career has been so wonderful. This is a community where we are able to share our wins and losses and be vulnerable and ask questions and I have loved that so much. I also love the ideas that come out of the incubator, not only ideas that come from Kate and her team, but also again, being surrounded by those like minded entrepreneurs, being surrounded by women in different industries with different levels of experience brings different ideas to the table. And that has been invaluable. And the last thing I want to share is having access to so many people who are experts in their field, tech experts, SEO experts, copywriting experts, money, mindset experts, and so many more. So a lot of masterminds or programs focus on one specific thing and that's great and you learn that thing, but the incubator offers insight and access to information about so many different areas and that is awesome.

Intro 1:30

You're listening to the Success with Soul podcast with Kate Kordsmeier ex-journalist turned CEO of a multi six figure blog in online business. But it wasn't that long ago that Kate was a struggling entrepreneur who lacked confidence, clarity and let's be honest, money. But all those failures, experiments and lessons learned helped Kay create a thriving business that impacts 1000s and brings freedom, flexibility and fulfillment to her life. If you're ready to do the same and make something happen with holistic, soulful, step by step strategies from Kaden other experts, you're in the right place. Here's your host, writer, educator, mom, recovering perfectionist, bookworm and sushi connoisseur, Kate Kordsmeier.

Kate Kordsmeier 2:19

Welcome back to the Success with Soul podcast. I'm your host, Kate Kordsmeier. And I am so stinking excited, because we're doing something a little different. Once again, we have just released a four part private podcast called inside the incubator. And we're going behind the scenes of the incubator to show you what it's really like inside our group coaching program, you're going to be able to listen to real clients get real coaching and support as they work through roadblocks and take inspired action in their businesses. It has been on my heart to share this with you because I know there are so many of you out there doing this alone. And I want to show you what it's like to have a team behind you. I remember the frustration of struggling by myself. I had no tools I had no one to talk to. And now no matter how difficult things may seem, I have a fellowship and a way of life that helps me cope. I no longer feel alone and neither do the women in the incubator. All it takes is one coaching call to get you unstuck. That's what it's like to have a community that you can count on. So listen up and let's dive into today's episode. So one of the things that I wanted to kind of start doing a little bit more of as just having like some short, sometimes they're going to be pep talks, sometimes they're going to be like this is a lesson I learned personally in my business this week, or maybe a little mini training or something like that. And today I just wanted to talk about a concept that I heard on a podcast last week, I was listening to The Life Coach School podcast with Brooke steel. And she was talking about how she makes $50 million a year like an insane business, right? This is a single woman who started an online business and now makes $50 million a year. So just a portal of possibility for y'all. And she said that people always ask her, you know, how do you do it? And her answer is basically, it's not that she has skills that other people don't it's not that she has, you know, connections or experience or anything like that, that other people don't have like, everything is learnable everything is figured out double. It's that she's willing to feel things that other people aren't willing to feel like disappointment, like overwhelm. And she talked about how all of those feelings are actually a choice. Like you can choose to feel overwhelmed. And then what are you going to do when you decide, okay, I feel overwhelmed. You're gonna just like freeze, right? That's the natural human response of overwhelm is, I'm going to freeze I'm going to get into analysis paralysis, I'm going to do nothing. And then I'm going to use the excuse of like, super overwhelmed. I just don't even know where to start. But instead, what have you chose to say? If I do feel overwhelmed, but I don't have to feel overwhelmed, I can feel proactive, I can feel effective, I can feel confident, if I just decide that I'm going to feel that way. And then what are you going to do after you decide you're going to feel that way instead? And so the question that I keep asking myself a lot, and I keep thinking about this for y'all, and we've asked it actually a couple times on some previous calls, is just so many times, myself is just as guilty. And I hear from y'all all the time, like, I just don't know what to do, I don't know where to start. And every time you feel that, I want you to stop and ask yourself, if I did know, what would I do? And every time a little voice is gonna come out, and it's gonna be like, well, probably this thing, and then just do that thing. And it may or may not be the right answer. But the truth is, there is no one right answer, and you just have to start, you just have to try new things you just have to do. And that's the only way you're ever going to get to a right answer. And it reminds me of this quote that I read, I think it was actually in the book, clockwork. But now that I'm saying that I'm like, maybe it was something else. I think Steve Jobs is the one that said it. And he said something like, I don't always have to be right, I just want to get it right. And I always think about that with us. I think entrepreneurs, women, especially, we get in that perfectionist like I don't want to do anything until it's perfect. I don't want to launch until I have 45 Perfect posts, I don't want to put out my first post until the writing is perfect or publish my first podcast episode, or launch my course or send my first email. And it's like, you don't have to get it right the first time, you're not going to get it right the first time. But if you're committed to getting it right, eventually, if you're committed to that learning in that process, and you're willing to feel that discomfort of taking imperfect action, you're willing to feel disappointment, if you're willing to risk failure is truly like the only way that you are ever going to find success. So the last point that I'll say there, before we jump into the live q&a, is to ask yourself, if you actually are like really avoiding disappointment, or are you just allowing it now instead of later. Because every one of you who joined whether you joined the incubator last week, or last year, you joined because you want something different than what you have now. Because in some capacity, you're disappointed with your current situation, or at least what your current situation was when you decided to join and make a change. So you're already feeling that disappointment. But we think that oh, no, we're not going to like I don't want to risk failure because I don't want to be disappointed. I don't want to fail. What if it doesn't work? But it's like you're already in your worst case scenario right now. Because you don't have what you want yet. Right? And so it can't get any worse than it is today. And that to me, like some people might be like, Oh, God, that's so depressing. But that to me was like so liberating, because it was just like, oh, well, today's not actually so horrible. And if this is the worst that it gets, like I can truly only go up from here. So I hope that resonates. I'd love to hear if anybody has any I haven't looked at the chat yet. So I will catch up here. I do see a couple couple of notes. But I hope that resonates and that just having sometimes these pep talks are helpful. And if anybody even wants to just unmute themselves for a minute and share something that came up for them during that I would love to

Jimena 8:47

hear. All right. Me. Okay, I put on there that I hate taking imperfect action. Because I think a lot of times I feel like, am I gonna get a second chance at this? Or is my audience just gonna be like, Well, I didn't like it the first time. So I'm not going to. I think that a little bit stops me to

Kate Kordsmeier 9:08

do you do that? If you are on somebody's list, and they send out an email that isn't perfect. Do you just unsubscribe and never talk to them again? No. Why would anybody else like there are going to be people who unsubscribe for any number of reasons. Some of them have nothing to do with you. Right? Like sometimes it's that they're just like, I've got to clean out my inbox. I'm unsubscribing from everything and I'm just gonna start over fresh or something like that. Some people are going to unsubscribe because you did say something in that email that they didn't like or that didn't resonate, but that's fine. Like those aren't your people. But to think like you're not going to get a second chance is really not giving your audience any credit that like that there are these super harsh critics that are like especially paying attention so closely to every single word you say, and that if you make one mistake If you're dead to them,

Jimena 10:01

or like missed a link or sent the email at a weird time or sent two emails on the same day instead, you know that stuff.

Kate Kordsmeier 10:10

Yeah. Yeah. And most people just go like, Oops, right? Or they don't even notice. I mean, how many times I've gotten emails, even from huge names Amy Porterfield, Marie Forleo, like Mariah Coz, Rachael Rogers, that they're like, Sorry, wrong link in the email. Here it is again, and you think anybody I don't think I really don't think a single person was like, I'm going to unsubscribe because they forgot this link. Or like, I'm never going to do anything with them because they made this mistake. And a lot of the mistakes that we're really afraid of making aren't like the actual mistakes of like, Oops, I put the wrong link in. It's just that it's not the very best email that was ever sent. So I can't send it yet. Or the very best blog post that was ever written. So I can't publish it yet. It's not like that. There's a technical mistake, right? It's more just, like wanting it to be this idealistic thing that doesn't exist, actually. Okay.

Indira 11:15

Hey, y'all, I wanted to just quickly pop in and interrupt to let you know some exciting news. For the first time in 2023. The incubator mastermind will be reopening for enrollment, and we're rewarding those that take action and join the waitlist. By signing up for the waitlist, you'll get access to exclusive bonuses, including an invitation only bonus training with Kate $500 off the incubator enrollment, and opportunity to enroll in the incubator during our pre enrollment period. If you're ready to take your business to the next level, ready for accountability to achieve your goals, and ready to join a community of women taking inspired action, then join the waitlist. Today, there's no risk or obligation to sign up for the waitlist, so you have nothing to lose by taking advantage of this opportunity. Sign up for the waitlist now at successwithsoul.co/exclusive. That's successwithsoul.co/exclusive.

Rachel Silves 12:29

The other thing I was gonna add here is I don't remember where I heard this, but it really resonated with me is like we spend more time thinking about what other people are thinking about us. No one thinks about us as much as we think about us. So we're sweating like the small details and like, oh my gosh, what should my subject line be? And like all of these small things, and like, I think it's just important to reframe it. Like, we don't want to spend more time thinking about what other people are thinking about us because like they aren't thinking about us. So I think in my mind action, Trump's perfection every time and yeah, just Sarah just posted in the chat. Like if Adidas can send an email making a mistake like we do, and it's totally fine. I've gotten so many emails that say hi, and first underscore name. And like, it's okay. It's not Yeah, people are laughing like it's funny now. So I just would try to do some self talk in your head Jimena and just think like, am I getting stuck on thinking about what other people are thinking about me? How can action trump in perfection and kind of use of self talk to talk you through that?

Kate Kordsmeier 13:34

And really like thinking about what does failure actually mean to you? Because I think if you like to get a little morbid for a minute, I think if you think about like, at the end of your life, when you look back as failure going to mean when you made a mistake and in an email or when you launched a product and nobody bought? Are you going to be thinking about like, oh my god, what a failure that was? Or are you more likely to at the end of your life be thinking of like your life overall as a failure because you never did anything because you were too scared, or you were too afraid that it wasn't going to be perfect. Like I always think about people are also same thing people are worried about like what others people are gonna think of them. If they do that. If they do this thing, if I launch this business, if I publish this post, again, to Rachel's point, nobody's thinking about you, they're just thinking about themselves. And secondly, like, if people are going to judge you anyway, I would so much rather be judged for being somebody that like took risks and went after what she wanted and tried things and somebody who just sat on the sidelines their whole life, and then was just like, miserable always because they're like, I really I have all these dreams. I have all these ideas, but I don't know what if it doesn't work. It's like what if it does? What if it does work? What if it didn't work the first time but it works the 30th time but you'll never get to the At a time, if you won't even give yourself the first time, you know, to try something. So I think that also one point I wanted to make too, before we move on is Sarah Jane just came in here and said that she just joined renewed her spot in the incubator for another year. It just reminds me kind of what we're talking about here too, because what Sara and I were talking about on our call was like, this really isn't a one year program. Like because business you don't like start your business, and then even a year later, have lots of success and just get a leg up, done. All right, cool. I don't need anything else ever. It's like, the incubator was designed to be cyclical, because there's always new challenges and new questions and new celebrations and new like things that you have to think about that you didn't before. Like maybe you join this program with no business at all, and just an idea. And a year from now, I hope that you will have taken lots of action, and you will have an actual business. But maybe now the problem that you're trying to solve isn't how to get started. It's how to delegate. And then you want to go into you know, the waxing moon phase, because you're going to learn more about hiring and outsourcing and how to build a team and that kind of thing. So like, there's phases for you all throughout, and Sarah Jane and I were just talking about like how really thinking of this as like a two to three year commitment at a minimum. And I say this now to everybody not to like start thinking about the expense that you'll have coming up or anything like that, but more so to just set the expectations to have like, you're not going to join this program, any program, zero programs and get results, you know, right away and then never need anything again, like I still am in lots of different programs, I still have so much growth and so many more things that I want to do, as well. And so just kind of setting the expectations that all of this takes time. And having like the support and the community and the accountability and the you know, ability to ask questions and get your work critiqued and move forward is so important. And it's not like a one and done thing. So I think that kind of goes hand in hand with just what we're talking about of like, be willing to feel disappointment to make mistakes to take the risks is the only way to ever get to the success. So hope that helps.

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